Monday, November 24, 2008

Off the Deep End

Ugh.

I've been back from vacation for almost a week and I have yet to really get back into the swing of things. My overwhelming lack of sleep added to my stress level has just compounded in to food failure.

I haven't gone off the deep end, per say, but there hasn't been one point counted in over 2 weeks. And I know for certain that I MUST count points or I will guesstimate and think I haven't eaten enough points when I most certainly did. I also haven't gotten the chance to do my stupid work out, either. Time is NOT on my side these days.

To make matters worse, I decided to try to look nice for dinner at the station with The Husband. BAH! Funny. I can't find anything that fits right, so I try on one outfit and take a picture of myself to see how I look because I truly believe that mirrors lie and the camera is the only one who will tell me if I'm fat or not.

Oh.

My.

God.

I am one of those girls with the barrel belly who I used to judge for trying too hard to look cute in their tight shirts, with their belly flab busting the seams while they suffer from a case of "Donelap's Disease". (Their belly "DONELAPPED" over their belt).

Note to self: No judging anyone. Ever. Never ever.

My self esteem has taken a hard hit these past few days. I fall into the pit of "woah is me" dispair and I can't seem to get myself out. Even when someone tells me how I great I look, I automatically think they must be lying to spare my feelings. What a horrible cycle.

So, I've decided to eat a healthy meal with The Husband and kids, and then after I put the kids to bed tonight, I will not clean, I will not finish my Thank You notes, I will not do laundry. I will do my work out and sweat my ass off. I gotta get it in my head that I can't just stay like this...I have to work at it. No one is going to make me skinny again but me.

So there.

I'm doing it.

And *I* can't stop me.

2 comments:

Mary H. said...

Great post. Exactly why I didn't stuff my face to feel better tonight. The only person that's going to get me back in the shape I want to be in is me.

THEhooahwife said...

I'm so impressed Leah. You really are self-driven! I know the kids take up all your time and that when you do get a chance, it is much easy to cuddle up with Ben and Jerry. Don't beat yourself up, ok?? You have two very young kids and life is stressful! You'll get back to the shape you want, if you just persist, I promise!

Keep up the good work! And for the record *I* think you're gorgeous! <3