Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Food - 1, Leah - 0

Today I am defeated.

I had one of the most stressful, overwhelming days I can recently remember having, and instead of doing something productive to deal with it, I caved and let food win. I stayed within my points for today ONLY because I never got to eat anything beyond an English Muffin and some Chex Mix before dinner. Not one part of what I ate today was the least bit healthy, and I am ashamed of my choices.

I can't even begin to write all that happened, but when I was ready to finally make dinner and the meat was bad, that was the end of trying to be good. I was straight off to Wendy's to comfort myself with a hamburger and french fries. Of course, I could have chosen to eat a Subway sandwich or grab a salad instead, but I reasoned with myself that I couldn't deal with carrying The Little Little One in her car seat, handle The Big Little One on my own, AND carry dinner to the car all by myself. Woah is me.

The worst part is that I dragged The Big Little One with me, and I made sure HE got something semi-healthy (oranges instead of fries and chocolate milk since he's not allowed to have pop). Then, I tried to justify my indulgence by only eating half of my serving of fries and not getting cheese on my burger -- as if it really made a difference at that point. Amazingly enough, I only spent 17 points before I completely went overboard and ate the frozen Otis Spunkmeyer cookie dough from the freezer. (21 points total just to drown my sorrows)

I am even thoroughly enjoying a glass of wine amidst the chaos that is my house, because today I was a wife, mother, child wrangler, human cow, pacifier and nurse.

I know I should feel like crap because of all of this, but the honest to God truth is that I don't right now. I fear the scale for weigh-in tomorrow, but not enough to truly care in this moment. I will curse myself when I see the number and I will hate myself for being so spiteful to all my hard work, but right now I don't care.

Food is my only vice. No matter how good I want to look when it comes down to it I don't have my Mom here to hug me, I don't have the ability to go out and let off some steam, and I just needed some comfort today when my world was crazy.

Tomorrow I won't be so overwhelmed. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow I will win. Because, in the words of Scarlett O'Hara, "After all, tomorrow is another day!"

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