No Mom Jeans

Dear Self

2012-02-13T06:17:00.001-06:00

Weekends in Detroit are a bad idea. I don't know how we're going to get around this issue seeing as how we'll need to be there frequently over the next few months, but we need to formulate {and stick to} a better plan in order to survive. We have been working really hard the last 7 weeks and we just throw it all away as soon as we arrive in the mitten, and really, we know better than that.

That heaviness you feel isn't just the crap you ate, it's guilt, but this isn't a reason to chuck the whole rest of the week out the window. There are 3 full days of eating and exercise left until weigh in and it is inexcusable to give up now.

Drink water. Eat 27 points per day ONLY. Run like the wind. Don't give up.

Sincerely,

Girl Who Still Wants to Lose 6 More Pounds

Thursday Weigh Day

2012-02-09T18:25:00.001-06:00

Happy to report that I'm down 2.2 pounds! Current weight is 156.

Now, if I can refrain from continuing to stuff my face after a very long, very stressful day, maybe I can weigh in at my lowest to date next week!

Silent Goal

2012-02-08T06:18:00.003-06:00

While I've been hoping to be able to actually RUN in this half marathon I keep talking about, they way I felt at about 2:15 into one of my 3 minute jogs on my training made me skeptical that I would ever achieve it.

Last night at the gym, on an ordinary treadmill, I hit one of my silent goals. Week 4, Day 1 of my training called for not one but TWO 5 minute long jogs, each after a 3 minute jog and some rest. And I did it without giving up. I didn't rest my hands on the treadmill. I didn't jump off to catch my breath. In fact, I was pretty impressed with my breathing overall! This is the same person who could barely breathe after a minute of running 4 weeks ago!

I finally got to that level of feeling that I keep reading about on the motivational signs on Pinterest. Like running was exactly what I needed to conquer my bad day, release all my stress, and get me to the kind of healthy I want to be. It was incredible!

Between 50 minutes of Zumba and 2.0 miles of run/walking {16 minutes total of running!!}, I ended the day with 13,342 steps and 13 earned activity points! And today, I still feel amazing, even if I was up at 6am with my 3 year old needing to use the potty.

My reward for my silent goal is going to be fit for a purchase a new pair of running shoes! Brand spanking new, clean ones! {The ones I run in now are 5 year old Asics that I was professionally fit for at Roadrunner when we lived in San Diego!}

Can't wait!

New Favorite Lunch

2012-02-07T06:20:00.000-06:00

I have already admitted my addiction to Feta cheese. I use it on salads, in sandwhiches, and now in my new favorite lunch. It's quick, easy, and filling! I really would eat three helpings of this every day if I wasn't working on my self control problem. It's that delicious!

Spicy Chicken Sausage with Spinach, Mushrooms and Feta:
1 Serving = 5 WW+ Points

Trader Joe's Spicy Chicken Sausage {Or any kind of chicken sausage you prefer - points may vary}
1 tsp I Can't Believe It's Not Butter
3 Cups Organic Spinach
1 Cup Sliced Button Mushrooms
1 oz Feta Cheese {President Feta is only 1pt for 1oz}

Heat sausage in pan according to directions. Remove and slice into chunks. Add 1tsp butter to pan, sautee spinach and mushrooms. When almost completely wilted, add chicken chunks to pan. Finish cooking. Plate it up, and toss with feta while still hot.

Enjoy!

A Confession and A Compliment

2012-02-06T20:20:00.001-06:00

Confession: I dove headfirst off the wagon at the Superbowl party.

No one pushed me, there wasn't a bump or anything. I saw Salmon Artichoke Dip and I just willingly dove head first off the wagon. I really stayed pretty close to good, despite the 2.5 cookies I ended the night with. I dipped veggies in the dip instead of crackers -- that counts for something, doesn't it? I also stuck close to my homemade, baked chicken nuggets, but the buffalo sauce I made was just too good, so I ate a lot of them.

No regrets. I had a good time. I ate good food. And I'm working out every day until weigh in.

I got a really nice compliment at MOPS today. We were discussing our ages, and I was asked what mine was. I asked them to guess, and the reply was "26". TWENTY SIX was almost 7 years ago, as I'll be 33 next month. It was a really nice compliment and really helped perk up my day.

I even remembered it mid-run on the treadmill tonight when I was thisclose to giving up before my second 3 minute run was over. It definitely helped. :)

I peeked.

2012-02-05T13:13:00.002-06:00

I've been hard core point counting since my week flipped on Thursday, and this morning I felt the overwhelming urge to check my progress for 3 days work (one of those days included an Insanity work out). I have been faithfully trying not to weigh every day, but I wanted to peek before the Superbowl Party tonight to know what I was up against.

And I'm so glad I did.

I have already lost 2.5 of the 3 pounds I gained back! This totally motivates me to behave this evening. Although, we're partying with my workout buddies, so we were already going to be eating healthily. I'm contributing the SkinnyTaste Baked Chicken Nuggets with a buffalo dipping sauce, and I plan to eat a big plate of veggies and drink a whole bottle of water before I leave. I'm not going on an empty stomach, that's for sure!

I'm rooting for the Patriots this year simply because I hate Eli Manning with a passion {which is weird since I'm head over heels for his brother!}. Plus, Thomas Brady is my son's name in reverse order {NOT done on purpose, believe me!} and he's from U of M. What more can I say!

Happy Superbowl!

Easy to Put On, Hard to Take Off

2012-02-02T06:27:00.002-06:00

158.2

That's a gain of 3 whole pounds in one week.

It was effortless, if I do say so myself. So super easy to put that hamburger and those onion rings in my mouth, to devour that deep dish pizza and antipasto salad, to choose to stuff myself full of popcorn and Reese's Pieces. I don't mean to brag but seriously, it was just so painless to gain that weight back.

{Insert sarcastic eyeroll here}

I totally let emotional eating control my life last weekend, and subsequently my entire week suffered. We are in the process of letting the bank foreclose on my Mom's house and in a few months, the home will be emptied and padlocked. My sister has decided to move back to San Diego, my brother is moving in with his girlfriend, and yet again, my entire life is changing. There will be no central place for me to go "home" to anymore. The chances that my siblings and I will all be together in the same house is slim to none. Not to mention the fact that we are tasked with going through all of the home's contents and either donating, selling, or trashing 26 years of stuff.

I miss my Mom. I miss her leadership. I miss her friendship. I miss her shoulder to cry on. I hate that this is all happening and there's nothing that I can do to stop it. I hate that my Dad's "Little Plot" is going away. I hate that there will be no place for me to feel grounded in this transient military lifestyle anymore. I hate that my siblings and I will be in totally different states. I really, really hate change.

So, it was super easy for me to turn to stuffing my face to not deal with all of that.

I will have to do better, though, in the coming months as we make several trips back and forth to clean things out. I can't let my emotions control how I'm going to eat. I'm going to have to plan better in advance and bring prepared dinners, and not give in to junk.

Back on the wagon this morning -- and holding on for dear life!

Absent Blogger

2012-02-01T20:20:00.002-06:00

It's pretty apparent by my lack of posting that I fell of the wagon this week. I ate so horribly during my weekend in Michigan that I literally gave up the whole week in frustration. Wrong, I know, but I just literally did not care.

I know weigh in will be bad tomorrow, and I deserve it. I needed to regroup this week after an emotional trip "home" and I did.

Back on the wagon tomorrow. No matter how bad it is.

What Did You Do Today?

2012-01-31T06:11:00.001-06:00

Zumba class was full last night, and even though I fought thoughts of not going, I went anyway.

There is a sweet, older lady in our class that comes every week. She very heavy and comes with her walker. She needs to sit in a chair for some of the songs.....but she's there. She doesn't miss a week. She does the best she can. She moves.

She really inspires me to keep going even when I want to be lazy and give up.

So, what did YOU do today?

Thursday Weigh Day

2012-01-26T20:45:00.002-06:00

I tried to get up with Patrick at 5:30 so we could weigh together, but my warm bed wouldn't let go of me. So, after I dragged myself out {at 6:05 for some peace} and stepped on the scale, I almost jumped off.

155.2

I am down 2.2 more pounds this week for a grand total of 9.6! In four weeks!

So excited!

Big News and a Restaurant Victory

2012-01-25T05:31:00.002-06:00

After 3 long years of working hard and trying harder, Patrick found out yesterday that he made the cut to advance in rank! There were good tests, there were not so good tests, and this past November he finally knocked it out of the park and we've been waiting for a month to find out whether or not he would get the promotion. When he called I cried tears of joy, apparently on speakerphone for several of his coworkers to hear. Oh well. Just call me a proud wife.

We decided to go out and celebrate because he wanted {and earned!} a steak. His 50 point target everyday could easily handle a filet, but since I took my kids to McDonald's as a treat after my son's excellent report from his conference, I was down to about 4 remaining points for the day. Who knew that the French Fries at McD's were 10 points? I should have checked that before I ate them. Thank God I've been working out.

At Longhorn Steakhouse, I was able to stay on track with Sierra Chicken {10 points}, a salad {4 for the dressing since I removed the cheese and croutons} and veggies with no butter. I didn't touch the bread and I avoided any contact with beverages of an alcoholic nature.

I realize that yesterday we rewarded ourselves with food on two occasions, but it's not a habit that we are perpetual at, so really, I'm okay with it. If we're making good food choices for our family 99% of the time and my kids choose veggies and fruit over junk consistently, then I feel we're sending a pretty good message. Food sustains us, good food makes us healthy, and every once in a while, a treat is a welcomed thing.

Free Fun & A Workout

2012-01-22T19:56:00.002-06:00

I have made no bones about the fact that I disliked living in Southern Alabama for 3.5 years. The only good things that came from my time there were my best friends, and the fact that I learned that I absolutely need to live where there are four seasons in order to feel like a human being.

So, suffice it to say that I am loving winter up here in the North. Although, if I'm going to be perfectly honest, this winter is the wackiest the locals have seen in forever, with 40-50 degree temps and only three snows to speak of since mid-December. I LOVE the snow. I think it's beautiful to watch when it falls, I think it's fun to traipse around and play in with my little people, and I don't even mind shoveling.

Today, we took our kids sledding -- twice. Huge, gigantic, long hills that I screamed like a little girl going down. I also pulled my 32 pound daughter up the steep part of the hill almost every time we came back up for more. I thought for sure we had to be burning SOME kind of calories, though, I wasn't sure how much.

Imagine my surprise when I found out that 90 minutes of sledding equals 16 activity points for me! And it was 21 for my husband! And, best of all, it didn't cost us a single cent.

Here I was, afraid of how to keep my kids occupied all winter long when the answer is right out my front door. Plus, it keeps me moving, too. What could be better!

Blown Away

2012-01-22T06:53:00.000-06:00

Last night was "Date Night". Our first "Date Night" in about 4 months, to be exact -- unless you count the night we grilled steak after the kids when to bed and ate alone at our own table {We really need to do that more often...it's much cheaper!}. We don't go out often because of our budget but when we do we always choose to go out to eat -- a luxury we used to take for granted before we had 2 kids and one income.

I put on my favorite pair of jeans and my favorite cowl neck, hip length black sweater for the first time since losing almost 8 pounds and I felt fantastic. The sweater fit better than it ever had and the jeans I love so much {a hand me down pair of $150 jeans from a super stylish friend who didn't need them anymore...woot!} were actually loose. I felt confident for the first time in a long time, and Patrick made a big deal out of how "amazing" I looked, which made me feel even better!

We chose a restaurant to try weeks ago, and I did my business of planning what to order before I went. I decided on a wood grilled half chicken with grilled asparagus and knew I would probably end up eating the skin, but I felt like it was the best choice overall. I figured in some points for a glass of wine or two. I haven't been drinking since being back on WW because I know it halts my weight loss, so I figured for "Date Night" I could go for it.

I messed myself up by not eating something filling to keep my hunger at bay before we left, I snacked on pepperoni while making my kids their homemade pizza roll ups and had a third cup of coffee to keep myself awake. I had a glass of wine while getting ready after we put the kids to bed {4 Points} so that I could save money on my second glass at the restaurant, since I usually pay less for a whole bottle than they charge for a glass at a bar! When we got to the restaurant, there was a 35 minute wait, which I also hadn't planned on {it was 8:30 and we never go out, I figured it would be late enough to get a table right away! Wrong!}, so Patrick grabbed us a drink while we waited by the roaring fire for our table {4 points}.

At this point I was so hungry and hadn't eaten in hours and the wine was going straight to my head -- which is good for my husband, and not good for my decision making process. When we got our table, we immediately ordered an appetizer since we were starving -- Tuna Nachos, which sounded amazing, but I didn't figure the "crispy wontons" to be that bad {20 points for 10...wrong, wrong, wrong!}

It was time to order dinner and I got a field greens salad {6 points for dressing and feta}, and ordered my wood grilled chicken. Then the waitress informs me they just "86'd" the wood grilled chicken for the night. Two glasses of wine down and my decision making process is completely gone, so I opted for the Asiago Crusted Chicken with wilted spinach instead. CRUSTED CHICKEN would usually tell me that it's covered in breading, but I never had time {or brain cells} to think about that. I should have gotten the salmon, but chicken made more sense -- duh. {16 points figured for an 8oz chicken breast with breading and cheese}.

Two glasses of wine ended up being three glasses of wine -- well, because that's what happens with me and wine when I start on an empty stomach. {4 points}.

I blew it. Big time.

But, it was worth it.

A romantic evening eating fantastic food next to a roaring fire with my gorgeous (and 10 pounds lighter) husband was worth using every last point I had available for the day and week. I don't even feel bad about it. Could I have made better choices? Of course. Did I learn my lesson about having a back up plan? For sure. Will I be more conservative about my wine on the next date night? No way. :)

I Can't Wanna...

2012-01-20T19:23:00.001-06:00

I almost didn't make it to the gym today. I didn't want to deal with the 9 degree temperatures and getting my little people in and out of the car several times. I didn't want to deal with wearing boots and changing shoes just to get in a little run. I needed some motivation, so I called in reinforcements. Actually, I texted reinforcements {Is "texted" a word? What is the past tense form of text? Firefox is yelling at me in red, squiggly underlines but I'm going to ignore it.}

I told my BFF all the way down in Alabama that I didn't want to go, and I gave her my very valid reasons for not wanting to go, and then I told her to tell me to go. She replied, "You need to go. You won't regret it once you've completed it. You will feel on top of the world for completing it. Don't you want to feel like that today?" And I replied, "I do. I really do."

So, I went. I bundled up both my kids, wasted a huge amount of gas warming the car up, put on my awesome snow boots, grabbed my tennies, and hit the gym.

And the reason Angela is my BFF is because she is always right. I started Week 3, Day 1 of my training and had to run for 3 minute intervals {the longest I've run since high school}. I got off that treadmill and felt like I conquered the world.

My reward today for running/walking another 2 miles? Coffee. I ran for coffee today. Oh, and homemade oil popped popcorn -- just like my Dad used to make. {I couldn't stop "picking", which eventually added up to the full 4 points for 3 cups, I'm sure}.

Man, it was totally worth braving the cold. Thank God for BFFs who encourage us.

Thursday Weigh Day

2012-01-19T06:42:00.000-06:00

Surprisingly enough, this morning I am weighing in at 157.4! I'm down a half a pound despite two days of complete junk eating, and an insatiable appetite to eat anything in sight thanks to the approach of my girly times. I'm thankful to have my weekly Flex Points back after using them all up in the first 2 days of my week. It is really hard to stay on track when you start the week off on a bad note!

My life finally gets back to normal today. After 7 weeks of having Patrick home from work and recovering from ankle surgery, he went back this morning. While the first few weeks were brutal (and a blur at this point), once he was up and hobbling around at week 5, he was able to keep the kids home with him while I ran errands, etc. Part of the reason his surgeon gave him so much time off of work is because he has to commute via bus and the bus drops him off over 2 blocks from his building. All the walking plus the fact that it was winter and snow/ice could cause a bad spill made her very cautious, which is hilarious because it snowed only twice before today, and now winter is finally starting after 40-50 degree temps for the last month and a half!

I had a disappointing day of 6,700 steps yesterday and I now know that in order to reach my goal of 10,000, I am going to have to exercise even if I can't get to the gym to get on the treadmill. I decided that on days I can't make an exercise class or a run work, I'm going to strap on my tennies and run up and down my stairs for 5-10 minutes and see what that does for my count.

Motivation

2012-01-18T05:51:00.000-06:00

2 miles again last night, 12,676 steps. No regrets.

Fitbit Original

2012-01-16T21:26:00.001-06:00

I was given a Fitbit Original by my BFF who decided to upgrade to the Fitbit Ultra a few months ago. I was super excited to receive and set it up, and in just 2 days I have fallen completely in love. This thing tracks my every step, tells me (via graphs on its website) how active I've been throughout the day, and even tracks my sleep patterns -- it's basically a pedometer on steroids.

Apparently, my daily goal is to walk 10,000 steps. I was sure I could accomplish that because I'm on my feet all day chasing small people and cleaning the house (which, never seems to end). Imagine my surprise when I only accomplished about 7,000 steps by the end of my first full day with the Fitbit. Although, I did no exercise yesterday, so I guess that's where one would make up the other 3,000 steps.

Well, today I more than made up for it with my Zumba and 2 mile run/walk combination. I walked in the door from the Y and checked my pedometer - 13,259 steps today. 5,000 of those came from just my run/walk alone. Talk about motivation.

This thing was just what I needed to get going after a horrible fall from the wagon over (and after) vacation.

I'm currently on the hunt for my first 5k run in the coming months! And as much as I hate the actual act of running, I'm getting very excited as the thought of participating (and finishing) an actual race.

Shame

2012-01-14T20:10:00.005-06:00

Shame on me.

I totally adopted the "Well, I already messed up today, so I might as well go ahead and eat....." mantra for the last few days. Even now, when we were coming home and I had a chance to redeem myself, I sit here with my second glass of wine tonight -- right next to the open container of pretzels that I've had far too many of already.

The wine was worth the shame, though, as it's only my 3rd glass since NYE. And for me, that's a miracle.

I feel like crap, though. I mean, really feel like crap. I have been feeling so good about my food choices and eating as close to whole as I possibly could, and honestly my body feels heavier after 2.5 days of crap eating than it has in weeks. I could have possibly planned better for our time away, but with only a microwave to cook with, and a limited budget, junk food was the easiest and cheapest way to feed our family.

No wonder our country is so obese.

I really do believe that whole, organic foods are the best thing we can feed ourselves. And without actual research and studies to cite, I believe that food dyes, additives, and preservatives are killing us. I pay a fortune to cook at home every month -- so much so that Extreme Couponers would likely grasp their chests in disbelief -- and I don't care. My kids WILLINGLY choose "grow foods" over junk food, and THAT is something that will go with them all their lives. It's worth the price tag for me, so I feel no shame in that.

I am definitely detoxing my body of junk and shame come tomorrow. This is not a good place to be!

Bathing Suits in Mommyland

2012-01-12T20:25:00.002-06:00

My family and I are enjoying a much needed, much appreciated vacation from life at Great Wolf Lodge, courtesy of my generous mother in law. We only had to drive 40 minutes to get here, and we made it as a surprise to our unsuspecting kids. We told them we were stopping here to use the bathroom and they were so excited to see the water park they asked if we could come back and stay for a night. We replied with, "No, not one night. How about two?" They're so young they didn't get it, but when they finally caught on it was jumps of joy and smiles of delight from the both of them.

Here, in what I'm referring to as Mommyland because you pretty much don't come here if you don't have kids, all of us are the same. Well, almost all of us. All of us have to be in our bathing suits with the kids in the water, whether we like it or not. I took careful notice of all the other Moms in tankinis with the same leftover baby bulge rightaroundthemidlle that I had. For once, I didn't feel bad about myself like I do at the beach with flat bodies all over the place. There was no shame in my Mommy body around so many more who were just like me.

I'm not sure who invented the tankini, but I would veture a guess that most every Mom in the Great Wolf Lodge swim area would love to thank them as much as I would. What a great way to cover up the bad and still look cute. Can I get an amen?

OH! And today was my weekly weigh in -- I was down 1.4 more pounds! I say WAS because I'm sure this week will be different. I already went into my Weekly Points after our pizza, breadsticks and salad dinner. And I might just send my husband to the bar for a glass of wine here in a minute. And I don't care. I'm on vacation.

Do me a favor and don't remind me that I said that at next weigh in.

Viva la VACATION!

Freedom

2012-01-10T20:31:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, I did the unthinkable.

I deleted myself from Facebook. Only temporarily, but I did it nonetheless.

And it felt good.

I got more done today than I have in years. I wasn't stopping to "quickly" check Facebook while doing chores. I didn't sit on the couch for an hour after waking up to "catch up" on my news feed from the night before. I mean, I have 400 friends (er, something like that) and they all post several times a day. I was spending more time "catching up" on my friends lives than devoting the same time into my own.

So, right now, the only way to get a hold of me is to text or call. Ol' fashion style. And I like it.

With my new free time today, I spent an hour printing worksheets at the library, I cooked a fabulous dinner, organized my kid's craft station, and did not only ONE but TWO workouts at the gym.

Zumba kicked my butt and then my friend and I did our Couch to 5k training. I ran another 2 miles and today's pace was picked up to a 90 second running, 2 minute walking interval. And let me tell you -- 90 seconds of running is WAY different than 60 seconds. I cheered my way through it and almost gave up, but I kept thinking about how I needed to do this to run that Half Marathon because SOMEHOW I have to run for over 3 hours straight. Which is terrifying right now.

Maybe I'll add another run to my daily routine now that I am not attached to social media for a while. Okay, maybe not.

Here's to new found freedom!!

Training

2012-01-08T20:45:00.003-06:00

I'm happy to report that since Thursday, I've logged 6 miles on the treadmill. For three different days at the gym, 6 miles seems a little laughable. But it's 6 more miles than I've ran -- well, almost ever, I guess. And I'm pretty proud of it.

I had it in mind to go for my run outside today. I thought surely if everyone else could do it in 38 degree weather when the sun was shining, so could I.

I was wrong.

See, you need gear to run in the winter. Gear I don't have, and probably won't ever get. So, I drove the 8 mile round trip to run 2 miles on the treadmill. Economical? No. Warm? Yes.

Today's run was just a little bit easier than the last two, too. I didn't huff and puff as much, and when my Couch to 5k App told me to switch to "a brisk walk" after my run interval, I actually couldn't believe a whole minute of running had gone by. Right now I'm running at a 5.2mph pace, which isn't marathon material, I'm sure, but it's better than sitting on the couch. My "brisk walk" is at 3.8mph right now and I'm hoping to up both numbers in the coming weeks.

I'm not exactly racking up the activity points with this interval training right now, but I'm sure it will get me the results I want in order to succeed in reaching my goal -- to make it through the Half Marathon without being picked up by the "pace bus".

New Meals

2012-01-07T20:59:00.002-06:00

I have been a cooking fool lately. Not that I haven't been before, but this time it's different. I've spent hours scouring the web for the perfect recipes that will satisfy my picky husband (can you say Meat and Potatoes?), my suddenly picky daughter, and my son (who will eat anything put in front of him) all while staying within a reasonable point range. It's not at all easy.

This week, I turned to Skinnytaste, and I wasn't disappointed -- and neither were my people. We tried 4 different recipes and I've gotten the green light to add them into our family rotation.

Here's what we tried -

Chicken Rollatini - This was incredible! I bought the wrong ingredients and mine ended up being more points than hers, but it was totally worth it. I served it with a side of High Fiber pasta and a spinach salad.

Crockpot Turkey Meatball s - These were so delicious. Not at all dried out for a turkey meatball. I used jar sauce from Trader Joe's because we're trying to avoid canned tomatoes and I already needed them for a different recipe this week.

Chicken & Mushrooms in White Wine Garlic Sauce - This was one of those meals that I wish I could eat all day long. It was worth the work. I served it with a side of Baked Rice. ( I didn't have peas, so it was just rice -- and I will never serve plain rice with soy sauce again.)

Pollo in Pottachio - This was a little labor intensive, but only because I had to cut the skins off the thighs myself along with the other steps. Plus, I got to use my brand new Dutch Oven for the first time!

My menu plan is set only until Tuesday, so I'll be spending more time looking for new recipes, but I'm sure that Skinnytaste will be where I end up!

A Bag of Potatoes

2012-01-05T08:19:00.002-06:00

This is just a regular ol' bag of potatoes. One that I just bought, so it hasn't been opened. There's something awesome about this bag of potatoes.

The amount of weight I lost this week is MORE than this bag of potatoes.

I lost MORE than 5 pounds in my first week back on Weight Watchers. 5.4 pounds, to be exact. And my husband lost 6.2. So we collectively lost more than 2 whole bags of potatoes. In one week.

Boo-yeah, baby/stress/grief weight.

The Hardest Part

2012-01-04T20:05:00.002-06:00

Is just getting out the door.

Once I get to the gym and get on the treadmill I feel invincible. I am still not good at running, and I don't know if I ever will be good at it, but I started and that's all that matters.

Couch to 5k Week 1, Day 1 -- DONE

Excuses

2012-01-03T20:41:00.000-06:00

My original plan for today included a trip to the Y this evening for my first Zumba class in two weeks. My favorite instructor only teaches on Tuesday nights and I didn't want to miss her. (She is my favorite instructor because she plays more "Booty Music", as I so lovingly call it, and it reminds me of my days as the only white cheerleader dancing on the gym floor at our amazing pep rallies...but I digress.)

My plan was thwarted early this morning when I was told my only option for getting my son in for an appointment for this eczema thing was at 7:45 tonight. And, instead of going to the gym after I drove all the way over there just to find out they gave me the 7:45 AM appointment for tomorrow on accident, I just came home.

Excuses, excuses, excuses.

I set goals for January yesterday, and one of them was "Go to gym 4x per week to train for Half Marathon", which now means I HAVE to go the next 4 days in a row. I'm not exactly sure how to fit it in, but fit it in I must. I need to train for this race and I'm not going to be able to do it from the couch, despite my strongest wishes to be able to do so. I mean, I have to run 13.1 miles, and as of this moment, I can't even run ONE.

I see a lot of proper time management in my future in order to fit this all in with two kids in school at two different times, plus babysitting a friend's two kids once a week, MOPS, ballet class, story time and everything else on my plate.

But, I thrive on scheduling, so maybe this is a good thing for me. At least, I'll pretend it's a good thing...for now. :)

Mediterranean Lunch

2012-01-02T14:12:00.000-06:00

Let's just put it out there...

I am addicted to Feta cheese.

I could put it on anything, and sometimes do. So, imagine my surprise when I actually weighed a serving size of one ounce and saw how much that actually was, and for only ONE POINT (I use President Feta in the bulk container from Costco).

I made this delicious lunch the other day and have had it every day since. It is 7 points in total, including the whole ounce of Feta. The hummus is filling and this lunch lasts me hours, which is probably why I keep making it. You can skip the salad and the sandwhich would only be 5.5 points on the Points Plus program:

Sandwhich:

1 Sandwhich Flat (the one I used is 3 points)
2 Tbsp Garlic Hummus (Trader Joe's is only 2 points)
1 Roma Tomato
.5 ounce Feta Cheese

Salad:

1 C Organic Baby Spinach
.5 ounce Feta Cheese (Total Feta = 1 oz for 1 PP)
1 Roma Tomato
2 Tbsp FF Balsamic Vinaigrette (I use Trader Joe's at 1 PP per serving)

Winds of Change

2012-01-01T21:16:00.000-06:00

I am currently huddled under my favorite throw blanket, listening to the wind howl outside the house. Winter is finally approaching after this "cold front" and I'm going to enjoy the blistery cold that it brings -- 3.5 years in hot Alabama will do that to a person.

There is a definite change in my motivation to stay on track with this lifestyle change this time. I have tried to get back on the program for the last few months, but by Day 4 of each week I had fallen off the wagon and was being pulled along behind it.

Today is Day 4. And I'm still here.

I'm not sure if it's the fact that my husband is doing it with me, that I have an arsenal of help through eTools, the amazing digital scale I invested in -- or maybe a combination of all of the above -- that is helping, but whatever it is, THIS TIME is different.

These winds have brought change and I can't wait to see how it ends up.

Motivation

2011-12-31T06:38:00.003-06:00

Thanks to my addiction to Pinterest, I have been compiling a huge amount of work out ideas, inspirational quotes, and motivational pictures for months. Since I spent more time pinning than actually doing anything helpful to get healthy, I guess the quote that would describe me best during the last year is, "I want to lose 10 pounds, but I don't want to diet or exercise to do it."

When I recommitted myself on WW the other day, I decided to spend some time looking over these things to give me the boost I needed to WANT to stay on program. I realize that I am in no way "overweight", and according to Health Status, I am withing my normal weight range even now, but I want to be healthy and feel comfortable in my own skin. I haven't felt good about myself since The Little One was born over 3 years ago. I am squishy, flabby, and have a belly reminiscent of my second trimester with each baby.

The "pin" that changed outlook on losing these 15 pounds was this photo:

Those are my current before demensions, and that's pretty much where I want to end up in my "after". Clicking on that particular picture led me to a website FULL of Before & After pictures. I spent an hour just looking at the progress of hundreds of people who worked hard to lose weight. Sometimes the pictures would show a small weight loss of 15 or 20 pounds, sometimes the weight loss was 100 pounds or more.

Since then, I have spent a little time each day looking at Before & After photos as a way to keep me on the program. It's exciting because I really WANT to stay on track, and thankfully The Husband doing WW, too, is helping to keep me motivated.

Tonight is NYE and I can't wait to say goodbye to 2011, but this year we won't be celebrating with greasy, yucky food. I'm making Chicken Rollatini for dinner, and am saving enough points to enjoy a glass or two of wine with my honey as we ring in the New Year (honestly, we'll probably be sleeping before midnight - 6 am with Little People comes WAY too fast if you stay up that late!)

Here's to reaching the goals we set in 2012!

Let's Try This Again

2011-12-29T19:28:00.003-06:00

It's been a while. A long, long while. So much has changed -- well, except that I still haven't lost the baby weight I gained from my now 3 year old daughter, and I added another 5 pounds to the problem over the last year year and a half.

I am just ending the worst calendar year in my existence and cannot wait for this year to come to a close. Stress eating definitely took over as I trudged my way through my Mom's kidney cancer diagnosis, surgery for each of my children, a cross country move, and my Mom's death a month after I moved into my new home.

The Husband also recently had ankle surgery, and from a month of of sitting on the couch unable to move without the assistance of crutches, he's gained some weight from all the snacking he's done to pass the time. So, today we took the plunge and recommitted to Weight Watchers - he online, and my through my Lifetime Membership.

I was pleasantly surprised to find out that Lifetime Members are now eligible for FREE online eTools with a code given every 8 weeks. That, plus the awesome new scale I bought us, may just be the extra tools I need to stay on track.

I weighed in at 164.8 today. My goal remains 150.

I also committed to running a half marathon in Detroit in October with my friends, so I'm working on a CouchTo5k running program.

Lord knows I need the stress relief that running brings, I'm just not sure how I'm going to really make it up to 13.1 miles when I can barely run 1 mile right now!

Official Weigh In Day

2010-05-17T20:13:00.003-05:00

At the Weight Watchers center today my official weigh in was 159.6 -- which was much nicer to see than 160, despite their being less than half a pound away from each other. Accepting a 15- number is easier than a 16-.

I did well with my eating today and almost decided to make this my comeback day On Program, except that I went to dinner at my Godfather's house tonight. Let me explain why I decided to wait -- he has a personal chef who made us the most delicious heavy cream laden dinner I've ever had. Bleu Cheese and pecan stuffed chicken wrapped in bacon and some kind of risotto that made my heart flutter. And, to top that off, a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc that likely cost more than my electric bill did this month.

So, I thought it was worth it to push my start date back one more day.

I DID work out today, which is the key for me keeping my stress level down. My Mom has Comcast OnDemand with the best selection of workouts to choose from. Today, sadly, I did the Kim Kardashian Butt Workout from her Fit In Your Jeans By Friday series. It's misleading because Kim only does the workout next to a trainer, but it's awesome because she complains as much as I do during the exercise.

Tomorrow will be the start to getting this whole thing together, and no matter how often I get invited to chef prepared dinners, I'm going to stick to this.

A Resurrection of Sorts

2010-05-16T07:31:00.005-05:00

I've decided to revive this blog in an attempt to get myself back on track. Since November, I've reached my goal of 153, and have found myself back at 160 this morning after weeks of emotional eating and stress. I can't get a handle on anything at the moment, so I'm hoping that journaling my progress will help me stay on the straight and narrow.

I am currently playing single parent to my two kids as we live with my Mom for the next 3 months. The husband is away in California for training until August and the thought of being alone in Alabama for that time was enough to make me cringe, so we packed up and came "home" for the summer.

In the weeks prior to our leaving, the universe seemed content with dumping as much crap on us as possible. Our car window was blown out by a bb gun shot while I was at work, our computer crapped out on us, my Gramma died much sooner than we thought she would, a week later my Aunt (who my Gramma lived with) died in her sleep. Then, my husband left for 3 months, my son got strep throat and ended up in the ER with a 105 temperature, all while my daughter is battling a "horrible" ear infection, according to her nurse.

All of this sounds like a bunch of excuses to eat like crap -- and I did just that. Plus, my Mom likes to make sure I always have wine in the house, which doesn't help, but I love her for it. I also went from working my butt off at a restaurant 4 nights a week to not being able to find a moment to work out. 6 pounds in a month is just ridiculous, though.

So, here I am. Back at square one. Thankfully, there are a ton of WW centers around, so I can go and weigh in and be held accountable for what I'm doing. I picked up a 3 month tracker, and my goal is to be 150 in time for my husband's arrival in August. I also plan on looking better than I have by throwing myself into exercising to deal with my stress. I want him to drool when he sees me...that's the ultimate goal.

AND - I posting this blog to Facebook, so that everyone I know can read it and ask me how I'm doing. There's nothing like embarrassing myself in order to lose weight.

Countdown - 12 weeks to go.

Let's do this.

Friday Fill In

2009-11-20T13:24:00.002-06:00

1. We need 2011 to get here soon.
2. A prayer was answered and it made me smile.
3. If you want lemonade, you'll have to squeeze the lemons.
4. I am having a great day because I chose to.
5. Massachusetts has a proposed 5% sales tax on elective cosmetic surgery; I think that's crazy.
6. Happy Mom makes for a happy holiday.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to having my husband home, tomorrow my plans include GROWN UP TIME and Sunday, I want to go to church, clean my floors and spend time with my family!

A Conversation With My Son

2009-11-19T13:51:00.002-06:00

B: "This book is full of all the things we are thankful for..."

Me: "What are you thankful for?"

B: "Vegetables."

Low Key Birthday

2009-11-18T11:39:00.004-06:00

I thought I'd never share pictures of my kids on this blog, but this one melts my heart, so I have to break that promise. It's from the week before his birthday when we went to see The Blue Angels practice before their Homecoming Show last weekend. Nearing the end of the session, the volunteers asked for the kids to come up and get a flag to wave to the planes as they came in. And then, they took the kids out onto the runway and lined them up. This is my baby boy welcoming home his favorite planes, while his patriotic Mommy cried her eyes out.

Yesterday, my precious son celebrated his 3rd birthday! Three whole years passed us by in the blink of an eye. Everyone tells you how fast time flies when you have kids, but you never really experience it unless you do it firsthand.

Because his birthday falls right before the start of the ever-stressful holidays, we decided to save some money and skip a party. Instead, we made the whole day just about doing the things he loved, eating the foods he wanted, and spending time together.

Birthdays are kind of a big deal to us, and I am so glad that we skipped the overwhelming amount of party planning, food preparing, gift bag making and preparation that would've gone into it all. I know that sounds odd, but it just seemed better to focus on the Birthday Boy himself rather than a party that would be over faster than it started.

He got his "bicycle" (this is exactly what he calls it), board games and Little People. He spent the whole day having a blast playing with his new stuff. His BFF came over and we all went to the bounce house place to run around like crazy. It just made my heart swell to see him so happy and excited. He ended the perfect day by saying "This was my best birthday EVER."

What is your idea of a low-key way to celebrate your young child's birthday?

A Year Later...

2009-11-12T14:36:00.002-06:00

Last November I posted about finding The 30 Day Shred from a favorite website of mine. If you read the entries afterward, I tried off and on for a little while to get going on that workout, butI never made it beyond the Level One workout. (Unless you count the time I peeked at the Level Two section, just to see.)

That is, until today!

I FINALLY got up the gumption to try it, and while I didn't make it through without stopping, it sure did make me work up a sweat. Those were some of the toughest moves I've ever done. And honestly, I feel fantastic!

I've been doing the video at least 4x a week for the last 2 weeks, and at the instruction of my cardiologist I am to increase that to 7 days.

Saywhatnow?

He is not at all concerned with my weight, but he wants my heart to get the most use that it can. He feels that it will strengthen it better than any medication can, and I totally agree with that. So, I'm using doctor's orders as my reason to get this weightloss/body toning train into gear. That's a better reason than any other reason I can come up with.

I'll post my "Before" shots tomorrow. They were taken about 6 weeks ago when I started to get "semi" serious about this, but they still count. (I have more excuses than I know what to do with, don't I?)

A Conversation

2009-11-04T14:20:00.002-06:00

Monday night, between my husband and I:

Me: Babe, I'm seriously contemplating taking a diet pill. I hear about this one on the radio everyday that the DJ talks about, and she's lost 32 pounds in less than three months.

Hubby: Why would you do that? You know that's not the right way to lose weight. Remember how you felt 10 years ago when you tried that before WW? You were a lunatic.

Me: Yeah, I know that, but I'm desperate to lose the last of this weight. I've been trying for a year and I just can't get the last few pounds off! It's frustrating.

Hubby: But have you REALLY been trying?

Ouch.

The truth hurts, doesn't it?

He's right, though. I haven't been trying. I put in a little effort here and there, but for the most part I fall right off the wagon the second I'm bored and stuff my face with a snack. I justify it by saying, "Eh, I'll just start again tomorrow", and continue on with my calorie fest without another ounce of hesitation.

I was working out really well for a while there, but then we went home last month, I gained all that weight back, and gave up.

It really was something that I needed to hear, especially with the holidays upon us. He's not being a bad guy, he didn't call me any names, he just pointed out to me that I haven't been committed to this process and THAT is why I haven't lost those last few pounds. When I committed myself to my original weight loss, I got it done -- and fast. Now, I let my crazy busy life cloud my judgement and interfere with my success.

No matter how much I want to deny it, the number on the scale DOES matter to me, and I desperately want to be the number I was before I had The Little Little One. Even more, I want to lose THOSE last few pounds and be the number I was BEFORE ever having kids.

But it'll take a whole hell of a lot more than whining to get there.

Go Away!

2009-11-03T13:03:00.003-06:00

Oh, praise Jesus!

I lost all the weight I regained while I was home visiting family in Detroit.

All. Six. Pounds.

PHEW!

Most of those pounds were from my nightly consumption of wine. Oh, and the bottle I shared one night with my husband while we were away alone. That might have had a little to do with it.

I recently discovered a great blog, filled with WW Points recipes. Gina's WW Recipes posts great recipes several times a week and includes pics. I heart everything I see there, so I wanted to share it with those of you who might be trying to stay on track this holiday season. (I'm trying my hardest, but between the bag of candy, the turkey, the gravy, and the holiday cookies, I have a feeling I'm screwed!)

Opportunity

2009-10-28T10:20:00.002-05:00

I love it when God's plan includes opening a door and highlighting it with a neon sign. :)

Cabin Fever

2009-10-05T20:24:00.003-05:00

I have literally been in this house for almost a week due to the fact that The Little Little One picked up some virus that came with a fever and a rash. And although the fever only lasted 24-ish hours, the rash lasted until today, so we couldn't go anywhere.

And then, of course, today The Big Little One woke up with the same fever and rash.

Ugh.

It is always inevitable that all hell will break loose when my husband isn't home, and despite mine and Dora, Diego, Oliva & Blue's best efforts to keep him still, The Big Little One wanted to play like he was well all day.

I am happy to say, though, that I have been able to work out at least 3x per week for the past month. I started with Slim in 6 and have thrown in The 30 Day Shred again for some change of pace Because of this, I'm down to 158.2 as of this morning, and I'm just going to keep plugging along until I get to my goal.

It was a year ago that I started this weight loss journey, and I'm still trying to shed the last few pounds, but I really haven't given it my all, so I have no one to blame but myself.

I'm not sorry, though, because most of my time is spent chasing after two beautiful kids who lift my spirits up even on the toughest days. Like, today, for example, when The Big Little One wanted me to lean in again so he could give me one more eskimo kiss before bed and said "Sleep tight, Mommy! I love you!"

Be still my (arrythmia) beating heart....

It's all worth it.

I am...

2009-09-10T20:58:00.002-05:00

I am an emotional person.

I am dramatic. I am loud. I flail my arms when I'm frustrated. I stress over the smallest thing.

I am tightly wound and high strung. There is so much tension in my neck and shoulders that you could bounce a quarter off them.

"It's no wonder she has a heart condition," is what you're thinking right now, right? Yeah. Me, too.

I am trying to find my ground as a parent. I am trying so hard to teach my children right from wrong and how to act like good people. I realize this is a stretch, considering they are 1 and almost 3, but I desperately want to avoid raising a monster.

I realized yesterday after watching my son play with his friend that he is picking up on my actions. I mean, it's not like I didn't notice this before, but this was in a bad way. He didn't want his friend to dance with him so he scrunched his face up in an angry manner and pushed her away.

Now, I'm not concerned about the pushing, actually. I realize this is a habit he shouldn't have, and one he DIDN'T learn by watching me. My concern was with the look on his face and how he acted in the moment.

Later yesterday, I realized that when he went to push his sister over (a daily occurrence), I yelled at him to stop and I made the EXACT.SAME.FACE.

What am I teaching him, for Pete's sake? That his response to something he doesn't want is to get angry? Gosh, that is so the opposite of what I wanted to teach him.

I am so completely stressed out lately that my response to things is to immediately freak out and get frustrated. This response was fine before, but now I'm teaching my almost 3 year old bad habits, and I've got to take control and teach him better.

I want him to listen to me, and I want him to take me seriously, but this approach is obviously not working. So, tonight I purchased a copy of "ScreamFree Parenting" by Hal Edward Runkel because I need a better way. I need to find myself teaching him better responses than scrunching up his face and getting angry.

I don't necessarily "scream" when I parent, more like a few notches above an "inside voice", but I just need to get a better focus on how to discipline and raise my child. I hope Mr. Runkel can point me in the right direction.

Week from Hell...

2009-09-06T14:24:00.002-05:00

I feel a bit like I've been through the wringer this week.

I had to write a legal sounding letter to our former landlord who is still holding our deposit, requesting that either she send us our full deposit within 10 days or we were taking her to small claims court for double the amount of deposit, as allowed by law. 35 days is the legal limit in this state in order to return security deposits to former tenants, OR provide them with an itemized list of witholdings to pay for damages. Neither of which she provided.

The landlord didn't "allow" us to be in the home upon move out inspection, didn't call us to follow up, and when my husband finally got a hold of her, she claims the carpet needed to be replaced over 2 small stains. Then, after we kept calling to check the status, she stopped returning our calls.

I am not the kind of person that would just let almost $1,000 go for no reason. She shouldn't have figured me for a fool, that's for sure. 36 days and a letter went out. Give us our full deposit or we'll take you to court. It's that simple.

Then, I found out that my heart issue that we thought might not be an issue at all, actually was an issue. And now because of it I have to have further testing and have started medication.

Oh. AND THEN, my husband's car went kaput. Just when we need it to work. Now, we'll have to take on a car payment that we weren't anticipating, which will hinder our plans to get out of debt by the end of next year.

:sigh:

The worst of it, though, is this damn heart problem. I. Am. Scared. We don't know yet what the whole issue is, and we don't know what to expect, but just the fact that there is something going on is enough to shake me to my core.

My Dad left us when I was 22, and I still haven't recovered from losing him. Plus, he died of a heart problem, so just the mere fact that I have an abnormal heart is making me crazy. I'm terrified of leaving my kids. I just can't do that to them. The fear is overwhelming right now, and until we know more, all I'll do is freak out.

So. This week led me to purchase my first bottle of wine in 3 weeks, and I'm glad it's over.

Except this weekend we started potty training.

Am I a glutton for punishment, or what?

Working At It

2009-08-26T09:35:00.003-05:00

So, I did it. I went back to a Weight Watchers meeting here in town. I showed them my Lifetime card, paid my $13 for not weighing in once a month, and got on the scale.

162

Fine. Okay. Really, considering I weighed in at 5:45pm after just having ate dinner, I think 162 is a good number.

I received my new Starting Guide, points scale, and tracker, and today I started back up. I have 24 points to use everyday, and I've already had 6.5 for breakfast. I have to try to be conservative with what I eat for the rest of the day since we're going out for our 9th anniversary dinner tonight. However, we're dining at a seafood place, so it should be fairly easy not to go off the deep end.

We're also starting P90X together starting on Friday. Just the mere thought of doing all those pull ups makes my muscles sore. I don't know how long I will last but maybe with my husband's motiviation I can stick with it for a while.

I'm dying to get my lower body in shape for fall and the awesome leggings I have to wear. I am pretty tall (5'10") and actually think my legs are my best feature, but I just need to tone things up in order to feel comfortable wearing skin tight lycra on my lower half. And, I can be in style for once in my life.

Hot, skinny, stylish Mom for fall. That's my goal!

Renewed

2009-08-18T15:01:00.002-05:00

I am a dork.

I recently was turned on to "Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood" and became an instant fan. I haven't watched every episode, but for the last couple of months I watched whatever came on Oxygen. I got hooked because it was funny to watch her with her two kids under 3, a life I live every.single.day -- minus the glitz and the glamour, of course.

I never used to like her, to be honest. I thought she was fake and pretentious, and despite the fact that I had seen every episode of 90120 and each TV movie she had filmed, I didn't think she had "earned" her acting chops on her own.

I was interested to read her books, so I picked up a copy of "sTORI Telling" yesterday after I got the call that it was in.

I didn't put it down until I went to bed, and finished it in under 24 hours.

It's the first thing I've completed in months.

All these projects I keep saying I'm going to do, and stopping and starting my weight loss, have left me kind of empty. I needed SOMETHING to do that I could start and finish clearly. Something I couldn't get distracted from easily and not go back to.

I actually found the time in a 22 hour span to read an entire book. That was an incredible feat for someone who spends most of her days wiping poopy butts and cleaning up after 3 other people. The most I ever do for myself is shower and put make up on!

So. This afternoon after I finished the last page, I realized that I CAN find the time do to things that I want to do. And I want to do more.

My very inspiring friend, Amber, loaned me her sewing machine for a while, and I'm determined to learn how to make things on it. I'm on the hunt for things that I can do to make me feel more productive and happy, and I'm not sure if sewing is it, but I'm gonna give it a try.

I feel really good today, too, because I was back on program this week and managed to lose 4 pounds! Back in the 150's baby. Suh. Weet.

Here's to new adventures, new projects, and completing them all!

Things To Do:

2009-08-12T10:48:00.002-05:00

1. Stay on program all week and until the goal of 150 is reached

2. Spend one-on-one time with my daughter -- if she ever wakes up from her nap

3. Sand, paint and re-hardware my son's dresser before September 13

4. Organize photos and put in albums before Christmas

5. Read 2 books that are not related to parenting/discipline ideas

6. Start walking every day with the kids -- when the weather cools off

7. Menu plan every payday for the 2 weeks we need meals until payday again

8. Enjoy life more, stress less...

Friday Fill In

2009-08-07T10:16:00.003-05:00

1. Cucumber Salad is my favorite summertime side dish.
2. My favorite John Hughes movies is Mr. Mom.
3. My daughter's bald head is something I love to touch.
4. The full moon makes me crazy.
5. I wish my husband was home right now.
6. When daylight fades the kids are asleep and I'm cleaning up.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to picking up my BFF from the airport, tomorrow my plans include showing her around town and Sunday, I want to go to to the beach!!

From Friday Fill-Ins

Lost and Found

2009-08-06T14:14:00.002-05:00

Lately, I have felt pretty lost. I think this is a normal feeling for Moms to have, as I've recently chatted with a few others who feel the same way.

I just have no direction right now.

I get up, take care of the kids, take care of the house, take care of my husband, and go to bed. I use some of my day to peruse websites I like, but other than that, I am constantly MOM.

I don't have any talents to speak of. I don't even have any idea of talents I'd like to try to hone. Two of my dearest friends have begun ventures at home which require hands on craftiness, and I can honestly tell you that I'm green with envy that they have chosen something to occupy their time and give them some sense of satisfaction that they did more in a day than wipe poopy butts and clean up after people.

I can't even come up with an idea I'd like to try!

I don't want to scrapbook because I don't have enough patience. I have NO clue how to paint or be artistic. I don't have the counter space or resources to bake or cook. I can't afford to buy a great camera and work on photography.

I'm just plain ol' Leah, stuck at home, bored to tears, and lost.

I need a hobby. I need to do something with my hands and my mind so I'm not just wasting away my brain cells.

Who is this person I've become?

Don't Look Now!

2009-08-01T19:57:00.002-05:00

Here I am!

I needed a break from blogging, a break from worrying about my weight, and I took it -- for a long time. I don't know if anyone even checks this page anymore, but I don't care. I'm just gonna keep writing to write.

The last few months have been filled with a lot of downs for me. Life started spiraling around the end of May when I started a beautiful Saturday morning like any other, and proceeded to black out and fall on the floor in my kitchen. From there, I went on to learn that I have an issue with my heart called Low Ejection Fraction, which means my heart doesn't pump blood out with enough force as it should. My dizzy/blackout spells may be caused by this condition, so I'm seeing a Cardiologist soon to start treatment.

I battled three, count 'em 3, rounds of Mastitis in 5 weeks, which left me totally wiped out. My husband had to assume Mommy responsibilities each time because I was totally wiped out.

And to top it all off, I find myself back in the 160's.

Ugh.

After toying with the idea of doing South Beach, I decided to start counting points again today. New month, new start. My son starts early Pre-School, my daughter turns 1, my husband turns 31 and we celebrate our 9 year wedding anniversary all in the next 4 weeks.

It's time I start making myself a priority around here.

With the few hours a week I have with just The Little Little One whilst The Big Little One is in school, I will focus on exercising on some level. Whether it's yoga, walking, the 30 Day Shred, or dancing around the living room with my girl, I'm going to get it done. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of letting myself go.

So, we start again. We keep getting back on the horse because that's all we can do.

We keep going!

Has Anyone Seen My Kid?

2009-06-25T10:10:00.003-05:00

My adorable, loveable, helpful toddler has vanished.

In his place is an exact replica of him, except this child is a monster. He looks the same, talks the same, eats the same, loves the same shows; but this kid won't listen to a word I say.

This kid is willing to sacrifice his life in order to steal his sisters Puffs. This kid is willing to risk bodily harm in order to climb to on top of the back of the couch and pretend as if he can fly. This kid will throw the world's best (worst) temper tantrum at the drop of a hat, for no apparent reason, and the come back to do whatever it was that got him into trouble in the first place.

I've tried to figure this out, and have narrowed it down to one specific type of monster: The Summer Monster.

He appeared within the last few weeks when the weather became so unbearable that going outside was no longer an option. You see, down here in the "deep south", summer is like what winter is up north - you hold up in your house for months, except down here you aren't adding clothing to keep warm, you're trying to wear as little as possible just so you won't sweat to death.

So, paying to join a local indoor play place became my only line of defense. Open play every day will surely help get this monster to head back to his land of orgin, and will hopefully aid in the return of that loveable toddler who once resided here.

In the meantime, if you have seen my child, please tell him that Momma misses him and wishes he would come back soon.

You must be joking...

2009-05-14T14:02:00.003-05:00

I went out grocery shopping this morning with my 9 month old attached to me, and my 2.5 year old in the cart. My list was organized, I had my menu with me and I think I handled the whole thing with grace. Thankfully, The Big Little One cooperated the whole time, so it made the experience go rather smoothly.

Then came the time I had to unload the cart at the register -- with no extra hands from my husband to help. This was rather time consuming with an 18 pound baby attached to my chest, as I used one hand to hold the Bjorn close when I bent over, and the other to grab the food items. Thank GOD for the extra friendly and helpful cashier who was patient with us because otherwise it might've turned into a whine fest with a 30 year old woman pulling her hair out right there in line.

Emptying the cart to the car took a while and I checked my cell phone for the time. Uh-oh. It's lunch time and I still have to get home, get both kids in the house, unload the car, unpack the groceries, feed my hungry children AND find something to stuff in my mouth while I get the perishables into the fridge. Thank GOD for Gerber Puffs, which I'm pretty sure are laced with crack, because both of my kids chowed on them as I lugged bags in from the car.

Then, all hell broke loose. The puffs weren't holding their appetites down and I needed to get real food into them. Nuke leftover Ziti for the toddler, and steam some cut carrots for the baby. Done.

Now I have to figure out what in the world can I shove in my mouth to stop my stomach from growling?? Oh, those Yogurt Covered Raisins look healthy enough, I'll just grab a handful.

WRONG. CHOICE.

I just sat down to plug in my points and I am HORRIFIED to discover that that small handful of raisins cost me 7 POINTS!

I could have devoured a McDonald's cheeseburger for 7 dang points! Or a Wendy's Frosty, for crying out loud. Or Hummus and pita chips! Something more delicious and filling than a few tablespoons of crummy raisins.

I re-learned my lesson today about knowing what you eat before you eat it and not assuming that something might be healthy and lowfat. Wolf in sheep's clothing, that's what that was.

Now I only have 10 points for our steak salad dinner tonight. I'll be eating less steak, I guess!

Props, yo!

2009-05-12T09:30:00.002-05:00

I was able to stay on program all day yesterday, and I'm happy about that because it's a day of progress. According to my points quiz, I'm striving for 28 points per day now that I'm supplementing with solids for Little Miss. I went over into my Flex Points but made it up with a trip to the gym last night and 30 minutes of cardio.

And it felt goooooooooooooooooooood to do it.

Stay tuned later this week for my first blog giveaway!

Struggles

2009-05-11T07:08:00.003-05:00

There's nothing that puts your weightloss journey into perspective like a shopping trip.

My Mother's Day gift was a few hours to myself to do whatever I wanted -- which was exactly what I wanted. It's not that I didn't want to be with my kids or husband, it's that I rarely ever get the opportunity to go shop by myself, unless you count the occaisional grocery trip, which, in fact, doesn't count in my opinion.

I don't really shop for clothing for myself anymore, either. I just pick up a few Tshirts and call it a day. After a brief trip to the mall while home with my super cute, young and stylish sister, I was inspiried to try to look like a human being instead of the dreary, comfy clothes mess I'm usually sporting. I got a few cute things with her help, mostly because she was encouraging and told me that I looked great in them.

However, yesterday I was on my own, and found myself unable to pick out anything without first thinking that I wouldn't even look good in it. When I did find a couple of things, I tried them on and wanted to throw my cell phone into the mirror. Then, I felt like an idiot for even shopping at that store because it was obvious that I was way too old to be there.

UGH!

I didn't come home with anything other than a few pairs of earrings, but I dreamed of all the cute outfits I could be wearing if I could just get the rest of this weight off. I have said it before, but I know my body won't look the same when it gets there, but I can see all of those 10 pounds in my arms, in my middle and in my butt.

I weighed in this morning at 159.4. I really want to be under 150, which was where I was my happiest before. I've been striving for 153, but haven't gotten there yet. Maybe with thoughts of cute summer clothes as my inspiration, I may make it this time.

What a struggle this whole journey has been. Oy vey.

Loophole

2009-05-05T19:54:00.002-05:00

Have you ever actually read the fine print on a Weight Watchers commercial when they're running a "Free Registration" sale? Right there on the bottom it says "In participating areas only". Heck, it even says it on their website, right under the "FREE REGISTRATION" banner, but in little, tiny print.

I don't know about you, but I've never really run into a franchise that didn't participate in the nationally advertised specials - ever. I just automatically assumed that businesses would want to do that.

Imagine my surprise when I called my ONLY local Weight Watchers center to find out about their meetings and discovered that they, IN FACT, are not one of the participating centers in the current FREE REGISTRATION special ($35 savings). The worst part is, that last year when my husband wanted to join, they weren't doing it during the advertised special either.

So, I got a little snarky with the woman at the center and told her this was our second attempt at joining during a special in which they did not participate, and wanted to know why. She answered that they run their "own specials and promotions". I wondered, aloud of course, how people were supposed to know about THEIR specials and promotions, when it didn't coincide with what Weight Watchers was actually doing.

She had no answer.

It's just irritating. I know they are a franchise and don't have to participate, but they are the only real center in town. There's one meeting way the heck across town at a church one night per week. I would just think that they would be open to helping residents of this area become members of a great organization.

BUT!

I found a loophole that will get me back in for only the $13 fee. While going room to room and purging all my junk, I found my Lifetime Member card! I haven't seen it since 2007 and NOW I can go to the center and weigh in and attend meetings.

BOO-YA!

Take that.

I'm going back to meetings starting tomorrow, so I can get on program and stay on it!!

I implore you to call your local center and see if they are participating, and if they are, go on in and give it a try. Totally worth it!

Learning to Love the Last 10?

2009-05-03T09:49:00.002-05:00

My new issue of Shape magazine gave me a bunch of blogging ideas, and I hope they don't mind my "discussions" based on their hard work.

This month, the article that caught my eye was entitled "Finding My Happy Weight" by Colleen Tull. In it, a bride described how she had been on a diet rollercoaster for years, but was thoroughly happy being in her size 8 wedding dress instead of a smaller one because she had learned to love those "last 10 pounds".

Let's be honest. Whether it's 10, 20 or 50 pounds, most of us have a little bit of weight we just can't seem to get rid of. Take me, for example. I've been fluctuating between being 5 - 10 pounds away from my goal for months now. I haven't been totally committed to losing the weight, or else I would've been there by now, right?

But, what if I accepted myself for the way I was right now? What if I just stopped worrying so much about how I look and just lived life while remembering to take care of myself along the way? Would that make an impact on my daily outlook? Instead of being so concerned about how others viewed me, can't I just love myself for who I am rather than what size I am in my jeans?

If I stopped obsessing over the numbers, would I be happy? I'm not sure. I'm not sure I can change my whole way of thinking. I've been battling weight issues since 2000. Up, down, up, down, down, way down, and up again. Somehow, I taught myself that my looks were the only thing I had to offer, so I'm unsure how to accept myself as 10 pounds heavier than I want, with a flabby baby belly and cellulite. I don't even know how to do that.

I think maybe the journey to acceptance would take longer than the journey of losing the last of the weight.

So, how about you? Can you learn to love your "last 10"?

Holy Moly...

2009-04-29T20:24:00.002-05:00

We returned to town safe and sound last night after the.longest.trip.ever.

Seriously.

We should have been home on Saturday, but our trip was extended by the unexpected death of my 22 year old cousin, Ryan. He passed early morning on the 19th, only a week after his birthday. My whole family gathered from around the country to cry, laugh, drink and karaoke the pain away. It is such a tragic loss to everyone who knew and loved him...

On a different note:

I somehow managed to only gain 2 pounds on my trip, which is remarkable if you knew how poorly I ate while away. It's not ENTIRELY my fault, but I take full responsibility for it. My husband described it best by saying

"The two year old is going to think the only thing to eat in Michigan is pizza."

Out of two weeks in town, we literally had pizza eight times. All different kids from different places, but pizza eight times can get to be much. We had Hungry Howies, Fat Cat's, Hot 'N Ready, Chuck E. Cheese, and my personal favorite, Buddy's. I would eat Buddy's eight times if I could...mmmm, deep dish...

Anyhoo...

It was difficult to make good choices at home, but maybe the stress of trying to keep my toddler from destroying my grandmother's house full of antiques helped burn some calories. I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth, that's for sure.

I'm back to the gym tomorrow and getting myself ready for swimsuit season, which is funny. Not funny ha-ha, but funny cause it's already 85 and humid down here and it's only May.

Yikes.

Procrastination...

2009-04-10T19:07:00.003-05:00

I mean well, I really do. I should be packing right now but I'm not. I'm doing what I do best...procrastinate.

The dishes are done, the kids are packed, the food is prepared for the cooler, I just gotta get off my duff and finish the rest of the packing, which really isn't too much. It's still freezing in Michigan since someone forgot to tell Mother Nature it was spring, so we're packing all of our winter stuff in the suitcases. We barely even wore winter stuff down here...

I also have to clean my whole house before I go anywhere, something I learned from my mother when I was young. I always wondered why she had us help her clean before we went out of town for a week, but as a wife and mother now, I totally understand. Who the heck wants to come home and have to clean a dang house? Not I.

So, I will be posting here and there when I get some time, but don't expect too much out of me in the next two weeks. HOWEVER, do be sure to stay tuned as there are some good giveaways coming up after my hiatus!

HAPPY EASTER!!

Road Trip

2009-04-08T07:29:00.003-05:00

I am truly a slacker first thing in the morning. My kids are early risers, like 6 am early, and I can barely function before 7:30 and two cups of coffee. I've resorted to letting The Big Little One watch Blue's Clues while I feed The Little Little One and let the caffeine perk me up.

This morning I am sitting among three baskets full of clean laundry, all ready to be packed away for our trip to see family in Michigan this weekend. We are road tripping it 16 hours with two kids in a tiny Hyundai Santa Fe.

Dear Lord...what were we thinking? We have a 2.5 year old who hasn't sat still for almost 2 years, and an 8 month old who just learned how to crawl and doesn't want to be in her carseat.

Thankfully, my Mom is already chilling a bottle of Chardonnay in her fridge for when we arrive!

In my quest to lose weight, I am planning on packing a cooler full of healthy snacks for us and The Big Little One. Instead of stopping for junk food on the road, we'll be noshing on:

Presliced carrot and celery sticks with homemade ranch dip (made with FF Sour Cream)
Bagged apple slices with grapes
String cheese
Squeezable yogurt
Nuts and pretzels

And, through a search for snacks, I happened upon Trail Enchiladas:

Whole grain tortillas spread with reduced fat cream cheese, sprinkled with dried fruit and nuts, and rolled up like an enchilada!

The Big Little One will eat those RIGHT UP. And so will his Mom.

Weight Watchers Online has a whole article chocked full of great ideas for Road Trip Snacks, be sure to check it out if you're planning one yourself!

Free Pizza Night!

2009-04-06T20:26:00.002-05:00

What kind of place would you think of when you read the above statement? A bar, maybe? Local pizzeria, perhaps? Maybe even at a school for an event?

Nope.

My dear friends, I walked into my gym tonight only to be pummeled by the aroma of delicious, ooey gooey, FREE pizza as soon as I got in the door. Yes, you read that right. At THE GYM. Not outside the gym, but right in between you and the machines you came to use to help you get rid of the fat that's been plaguing your life.

Thankfully, I had already eaten my whole wheat pasta with chicken, so I just stuck my earphones in, held my breath and walked up the stairs to the cardio machines.

I am all for eating as a way for socialization, but wow, pizza night at gym? That's not all, either. I saw a sign on the wall that read:

First Monday is Free Pizza Night, Second Tuesday is Free Bagel Morning!

What, what, what?

Don't these health nuts know that these foods are our downfall? Don't they know that each of those empty calories is what we come there looking to burn off with hours of cardio surrounded by strangers who smell as bad, if not worse, than we do? Why would they purposefully tempt us with such bad food when all we dream about is looking like the model on the cover of those magazines?

Tonight my willpower was tested and I'm pretty sure it passed.

Bonus!

2009-04-05T14:28:00.003-05:00

We went in and signed the dotted line on Friday and started our new gym membership at Planet Fitness for $1 each! The place was hopping with people eager to sign up during this special, and I'm glad we got off our arses and did it.

I was happy to discover that free personal training is a part of our membership, too. They're in small group sessions, but the trainer will work with you to design a program that will help you reach your fitness goals. BONUS!

Working with someone, even with others around, is going to help me tremendously. I can go in and get my cardio done on my own, but I'm a dummy when it comes to those weight machines. I always read the instructions on them but worry that I'm not doing the exercise right and instead of getting leaner I'm actually bulking up some odd muscle that will bulge out of the side of my thigh or something.

I already went today and worked out a bit. I needed the little bit of time to myself after my night with Little Miss. Let's just say that I've been up since about 3:30 this morning, much to my dismay. I'm dying from lack of sleep and my prayers that she corrects this horrible sleep patterns on her own are not working. I love my daughter, but if I don't get some solid sleep soon I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Thank goodness for moments alone...

SHAPE

2009-04-03T08:17:00.008-05:00

While grocery shopping ALONE the other night (aahhhh, sweet peace), I picked up a copy of the May 2009 Shape with a beautiful, tight and toned Jenny McCarthy on the cover. I need some inspiration and Shape is one of my favorite ways to do this.

Knowing that Jenny once weighed over 200 pounds and used WW to get rid of the pregnancy weight makes this battle almost bearable. Obviously, celebrities like Jenny McCarthy have the ways and the means to get time to work out and eat right, but she has always seemed down to earth.

Now, if I could only get 90 minutes a day to do yoga, I might be able to be as tight as she is. But, I digress.

Issues with Commitment

2009-04-02T11:14:00.002-05:00

I think my prayers have been answered this week.

I have been dying to join another gym so that I can get that much needed time away from the house and kids, but I can't justify the places that want you to sign a contract for 2 years. That's just too much of a commitment, and I just know that as soon as I've signed the line, some kind of excuse will come up and I won't go and I'll lose money.

And I hate losing money. A lot.

The gym right up the street from my house, Planet Fitness, is having a promotion right now to join for $1.

That's cheaper than a pop. Or soda, for those of you who are not from the Midwest.

It would be $10 a month to go and the greatest part is THERE'S NO COMMITMENT. I can justify the $10 a month if it means I don't have to give them any money beyond what I can handle for the time being.

It does sound a little like I'm setting myself up to quit already, but honestly, we used to pay for a membership to Bally's for a loooooong time and never went, so I know what a waste a contract is. It's in the best interest of the gym, I'm sure, because people have good intentions and never end up going, but I gotta look out for my budget.

Now, the gym doesn't have childcare, which is fine after what happened at my last gym, and there's no pool, but it really doesn't matter to me. I'm just glad that I'll have an escape a few times a week cause the pressure of being 24/7 Mom is taking it's toll.

Back in the Groove - And a Question...

2009-03-31T06:58:00.004-05:00

We returned on Sunday from a wonderful, albeit wet and cold, weekend in Atlanta. My husband arranged for our closest friends to meet us there so that we could explore the city together and celebrate my 30th birthday. I cannot remember a better birthday in my life, except maybe the year I got my 10 speed bike.

Despite the pouring rain, we managed to do a few tourist attractions, but more importantly we got to spend time with some of the most wonderful people we've met along the way. Having friends that would travel that far just to spend a few days with you is more amazing than you could ever imagine.

The food in Atlanta was great and I didn't worry once about my weight - well, until we got home, that is. I thought I had gained a few pounds, but by today it only showed a gain of 1, so I'm glad about that.

I'm hoping that we go back sometime soon because the city was amazing. I want to do more shopping and walking around since the rain dampened (ha ha) our plans to do so.

On the way out of town on Friday, the local radio station was polling women with the craziest questions, and there was one I wanted to ask of my (few) readers:

Would you make a friend fat for life if it meant that you would always be skinny?

Ponder and discuss...(otherwise known as "I love comments")

The Roaring Twenties

2009-03-25T07:21:00.003-05:00

I have now entered the last hours of my twenties. Thirty comes Friday at midnight, so I thought I might reflect a little before the hilltop comes and I'm launched over it.

I started my twenties off as a newly single college student in Michigan, who really had no idea who she was. For 3 years before that I defined myself someones girlfriend, but really had no other definition of myself to stand on. I spent the first 6 months of my twenties having fun and learning more about who I wanted to be and enjoying life as it were. Out of nowhere, I met my soon to be husband, fell immediately and madly in love with him, and we were engaged two months later.

We married in August of 2000 when I was 21, and in August 2001 we joined the Coast Guard. I say WE joined because it was a mutual decision for him to join, and I even had to sign a "permission form" for him to do so. He graduated boot camp and we were stationed in New York.

Less than a month after leaving home, my Daddy died unexpectedly, and my world turned upside down. Losing him was completely devastating. I will never forget where I was when I found out, even though the months afterwards are hazy at best.

Since then, we have lived in Virginia, California and, now, Alabama. I have met the most amazing people along the way, and made some of the greatest friends on the planet. We have traveled to places I had only hoped to ever experience. I even won a car. How cool is that?

I was diagnosed with Endometriosis at age 23, and despite being worried about fertility for years, I was able to have two incredibly beautiful children. Both of my children came early after each attempted 33 and 32 week entries unsuccessfully, but both were born healthy. I am also the blessed Mommy of an angel in heaven, having lost my first baby in November of 2005, at age 26. I gave up my "career" in Insurance to be a Stay-At-Home-Mommy and couldn't be happier with that decision, even when my 2 year old drives me bonkers.

I gained and lost around around 200 pounds in my twenties, but not all at once, obviously. I gained 40 pounds before and after my wedding, lost it a year or so after that. I maintained that weight and lost even more before gaining 50 pounds during my pregnancy with The Big Little One. Lost all of that, only to gain 47 pounds during my pregnancy with The Little Little One. I'm close to my goal weight, now, and am currently on a mission to accept myself for who I am and what I'm doing, rather than what I look like.

I've had tragedy and triumph in my twenties, but the triumphs well outweigh the tragedies. I am very happily married to a man who is as in love with me as I am with him. I have beautiful and healthy children, a stable (yet unstable) life, the best family a person could ever hope for, the most wonderful friends all across the country, and love. My life is filled with love. It is all I could have ever imagined and more.

So, if my thirties are even half as good as my twenties were, I'm ready for them to start. So long Twentysomething Leah.

Bring it on!

Attitude Adjustment

2009-03-24T13:58:00.004-05:00

I am sitting on my couch with my 2 year old at my feet. He SHOULD be napping, but he's all out refused to do that, so now he's forced to watch Studio B while I'm attempting an update.

Posting has been scarce due to the fact that the cord that powers my laptop has stopped working. Actually, it works when it feels like it, like right now. Thank God we paid for the warranty on this computer and a new cord is on it's way.

I weighed myself this morning because I have simply forgotten which day is my weigh in day since I have changed it so often. I keep going onto WW Online and restarting after I have a bad day. Despite it all, I'm down to 157.2 and am SO close to my goal weight.

I have tried to have an attitude overhaul lately and instead of picking myself apart when I look in the mirror, I have started looking for the good things. I spent some time on YouTube watching make-up tutorials and changed my routine a bit. Instead of hating how my haircut looks, I started wearing it up with clips and playing around with my bangs. I went out and got a few new Ts to wear, and I'm attempting not to leave my house in my husbands old shirts and raggedy sweats.

I am reading a daily devotional for mothers of preschoolers and that has helped with the mothering aspect of my life. I tend to get overwhelmed and stressed out a lot during the day, and I'm finding that if I focus on my "lesson" for the day I make things easier for myself and the little ones. My children will only be little for so long...

As a mouthy, know-it-all teenager, I always heard the phrase "You need an attitude adjustment, Leah!" from my father. I only hope that this is the kind of attitude he wanted me to have.

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

2009-03-16T20:10:00.002-05:00

I got a wild hare this weekend. Actually, I'm gonna call it a "wild hair". I was dreadfully sick and tired of my long, overgrown locks, so I went to the salon and got a shorter cut. I had actually thought about it and got myself some pictures of what I was thinking, so I guess it wasn't exactly spur of the moment, but when I make up my mind that I hate my hair I just gotta go and get something done.

The stylist I've been using had done a great job before, and seemed very excited when I showed her what I was thinking. She decided to keep it a little longer than I had asked for, just in case I wasn't really ready for a shoulder length cut. I thought that as a professional she might be able to look at my hair and what I had asked for and say "No, that might not work" - but she went ahead with eager scissors and gave me a cut that looks NOTHING like the picture I had given her.

So, now I hate my hair and will likely be keeping it up in a ponytail until the layers grow out, or I might just go back and have her hack off the length.

I really hate change.

I am fast approaching the end of my 20's (10 days to be exact) and I'm feeling a little old and Mom-ish, even though I am not wearing Mom Jeans. I thought a cute, sassy cut might make the transition into my 30's a little easier. I needed an excuse to find 30 minutes in my hectic morning to actually make myself look like a human being rather than throwing my wet mop into a bun and calling it a day.

I took a couple polls on my cut and most seem to think shorter would be cute, and The Husband has been eagerly saying he wants me to try it even shorter, so I'm weighing my options today and we'll see what I decide.

Speaking of weighing, I did just that this morning at I'm now at 158! Four pounds from my goal! It feels like this journey has taken forever but I feel good about how far I've come.

Just Another Manic Monday

2009-03-09T13:47:00.002-05:00

Saturday was weigh in day and I was up .4 to 160.

Stupid 160's. Go away.

I wasn't too unhappy, though, considering that on my bad day last week I ate a good 3,000 calories.

On another note, it's amazing what kind of motivation 75 degree weather will bring you. The sun is shining, my windows are open and I found myself dreading short and tank top weather in this body. So, today I dusted off my copy of The Shred and got it done while Little Miss was sleeping. Since I've been exersicing pretty consistently lately, it wasn't as hard to do as it was when I first started.

I'm dying to get rid of this midsection from hell, and tone up my flabby, waving arms. If it wasn't for those two things, I might just be happy about myself.

Sabotage

2009-03-06T07:30:00.002-06:00

Listen all of y'all this is sabotage!

One bad day. One stinkin', stankin' bad day and I had to go and ruin everything.

I make one bad food choice based on emotions and then it turns into an avalanche of uncontrolled, horrendous eating that makes me feel better at the time, but ultimately makes me hate myself the next day. Then, I decide that since I blew it for 24 hours, there's no use in trying to be good, so I throw the whole week out the window.

I swear to you that I must be trying to sabotage my progress because it seems as if I do this whenever I get ahead. I turn to food as a crutch - as a comfort - and I just need to eat until I feel better. The greasier the food the faster it takes me to heal.

I had thought about giving up until I could start over tomorrow, especially cause we're having dinner with Daddy at work tonight, but I'm not. I'm back on my horse and hoping I can salvage what's left of my week and not cringe when I get on the scale tomorrow.

I have only a few weeks left until we return home for a visit and I really wanted to be sleek and slender, but that ain't gonna happen unless I stop sabotaging myself.

Get over yourself, Leah. Stop ruining all your hard work!

Melting Away...

2009-03-03T13:00:00.001-06:00

I know I'm not supposed to weigh myself everyday, but I did again today just to see whether or not last week was a fluke.

It wasn't.

I'm down another pound since Saturday.

I'm melting away! I'm not even working out and I'm melting away.

Imagine what I could do if I could just get out of the house and on a treadmill. Gosh.

Milestone...

2009-02-28T20:27:00.002-06:00

Saturday is my official new weigh in day for Weight Watchers and I'm excited to announce that I've hit a whole new milestone!! Today I weigh in at 159.6!!! I lost 5.2 pounds this week!!

I contribute much of that loss to the fact that my monthly friend came back to visit for the first time since November 2007, and I'm nursing a little less now that Little Miss has been eating 2 meals of solid food per day. I can't figure out why else I could ever lose that much over the course of a few days.

I cannot believe I'm back into the 150's and I'm only 6.6 pounds from my goal. I've lost 15 pounds since I started this journey back in late-October. I even fit back into a pair of pre-Little Miss pregnancy jeans today, which felt incredible!

Now, if I could only get a solid night's sleep, I might be back to my old self.

Today we checked out another gym in town, which was totally fabulous. Luxury at every turn. Brand new weight machines, cardio machines with personal cable TV on each one, saunas in the locker room, and a room dedicated to treadmills and elliptical in front of a projection TV with a movie playing. It would be totally worth the money but I can't justify $30 a month right now, so I'll have to figure something else out.

Do you think luxury gyms are worth the money you pay for them?

There Goes That Idea...

2009-02-27T07:34:00.002-06:00

I am disappointed to report that we've had to cancel our membership to the Y this week. The long and the short of it is that the first time I used their childcare, I was very worried about the set up. There were too many kids, not enough help, and no way to identify parent to child. After leaving The Little Little One in there for only a few minutes, I was so worried that I had to return to check on her. When I returned to the area I discovered that someone had taken my daughter from the nursery room where I left her and had her behind the front desk instead. When I called to voice my displeasure with what happened, the woman in charge of the childcare argued with me, blamed the incident on my baby, and then proceeded to hang up on me.

I am so extremely bummed out because I was finally getting somewhere with my fitness and was feeling good about it; however, I take the safety and security of my children very seriously and I'm not willing to part ways with that notion just to get in a workout.

So. I start over in the exercise department. Since the mornings are getting a little warmer, I may start walking/jogging with the kids. And I guess I'll go back to letting Jillian Michaels kick my arse.

I forgot to report that I weighed in last Saturday at 164.8. I've done pretty good on the program this week, but had a slip up on the day of the "incident" at the Y. I got back on track yesterday and am hoping to be down this week.

Fat Tuesday

2009-02-24T12:45:00.002-06:00

Happy Sin Day! :)

Today is Fat Tuesday, and for once I'm feeling anything but fat. I dragged my tired rear to the gym last night after the kids went down (yay for early bedtimes!), and worked out for an hour. I really enjoy having an hour to myself to jam to teeny bopper music on the iPod and try to get this flab under control. It's the only time during the week that I think about myself and have no worries.

I have been trying to decide what to give up for Lent this year. I tossed around the idea of coffee, but there's no friggin way I could survive a morning without it after 4 nighttime wakings, so that's out. I thought about giving up anything processed, but sometimes I need that FiberOne bar when I've forgotten breakfast on my way out the door, so that's out, too.

I've decided to go for it and give up sugar. Candy, cookies, ice cream, cake -- you name it. I'm giving it up for 40 days. The only thing I will be allowed to have is gum -- the sugar free kind, of course. Oh, and I am still taking Splenda/Equal in my coffee - since it's fake sugar.

I've tried to do this a few times, but this year I'm committed. I'm getting stronger in my walk with Jesus and it's important to me that I do something to show Him how serious I am about it.

My next venture is to track down and find some good gym workouts to do. Right now I'm just wandering aimlessly from machine to machine, doing 2 sets of 12 reps on whatever one I can figure out how to use.

Yeah, I'm "That Girl".

Feast or Famine

2009-02-22T19:36:00.002-06:00

What is it with me and points these days? I either have to eat 6 of my Flex Points just to feel somewhat satisfied or I'm trying to figure out what to eat before I go to bed just to make it to my target point for the day.

Ugh.

Mardi Gras and Moon Pies

2009-02-21T19:12:00.002-06:00

Where we live, Mardi Gras is kind of a big deal.

No, wait. That's an understatement.

Mardi Gras isn't just a one day thing on Fat Tuesday, it is a month long party with event after event. Everything from formal balls, to decorated houses, to King Cake, to parade after parade after parade...after parade. Honest to God, there must be 50 from the time it starts in late January till midnight on Fat Tuesday.

We attended our 1st parade this year, making this a total of 3 since moving here. It's funny because every parade takes the same route downtown, and every parade is full of floats with people on it throwing all the same stuff - beads, janky stuffed animals, plastic cups, candy and Moon Pies. There are some local high school marching bands that play, some cars filled with King and Queens from each "society", and police motorcycles up the wazoo.

Suffice it to say, if you've seen one Mardi Gras parade in this town, you've seen them all.

Moon Pies are the official "mascot" of the Mardi Gras season, although I'm quite positive that drunken people with jester hats on could be considered one as well. I'd never tried a Moon Pie before last year and I was glad I had waited so long to try it. They're pretty gross, in my opinion, and as Jason put it, only good for if you're totally starving.

The Big Little One did have a blast waving to the policemen and dancing to the beat of the drums marching by (a skill he gets from his mother and not his father, who couldn't find a beat if it were handed to him), so it was worth it. And I managed to NOT eat a single piece of candy or Moon Pie, so that was a small victory.

Fat Tuesday is fast approaching, but I changed my WW day to start over today so I couldn't have an excuse to give in and eat. Now, I gotta figure out what to give up for Lent. Maybe sugar. But NOT Splenda or Equal. I can't go totally cold turkey!

I'm Not Gonna Lie...

2009-02-20T07:51:00.003-06:00

Things have been pretty tough for me lately. Staying on track this last month or so has been pretty impossible, but only because I've let myself put my goals on the back burner. I'm ripe with sleep exhaustion from 6 months of nightly wakings, and I'm overwhelmed with trying to deal with everyday life as the mother of two young children. I'm lucky if I can accomplish more than cooking dinner and throwing in a load of laundry most days.

Honestly, I've found that WW Online is not the greatest for an oldie like me. I do much better with writing out my meals on paper and going to the meetings where I can stand on the scale in front of someone and be held accountable for the number. However, $13 a week just isn't in the cards right now, so I just have to stick to this.

And, as long as I'm being honest, I'm extremely unhappy with my body.

There. I said it.

Even though I'm only 9 pounds from my goal weight, I'm extremely discouraged with how I will look when it's all gone. My stomach is a mess and no amount of working out will do away with the saggy extra skin that 2 pregnancies in 2 years left me with. Each new pound lost shows that I'm really gonna need that tummy tuck after all. I should've appreciated my flat stomach when I had it only 3 short years ago.

So. I need to keep blogging and tracking because summer is fast approaching this area (like next week or something, I'm sure) and I don't want to be that fat, flabby Mommy at the park. I want to be cute in sundresses and shorts, and in my one-piece bathing suit in the kiddie pool.

Warm weather is approaching...can I stick to it??

After A Hiatus...

2009-02-07T14:08:00.002-06:00

I'm sure you noticed the lack of posting around here for the last couple of weeks. Life bogged me down so much that even the thought of dieting or exercising was enough to make me cry, so I took a brief hiatus. I ate like a fat kid, enjoyed desserts and being lazy -- and it was just what I needed to get back on track.

On Wednesday we joined the YMCA and since then I've been there twice to work out on my own. I'm looking forward to trying to do Zumba, which Rochelle says is like clubbing, and spin classes. I'm also excited to take the kids swimming a few times a week. We got them in the pool already and The Little Little One had a blast, while The Big Little One splashed and kicked like the fish we knew he was.

Since we're on a budget and a new iPod is not in our immediate future, I'm borrowing the Shuffle that I bought The Husband for Christmas a few years ago. I am in the process of putting together a kick-butt Playlist to workout to and this is what I have so far

Golddigger - Kayne West ft. Jamie Foxx
Cry Me A River - Justin Timberlake
SOS - Rihanna
Since You've Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
Bootylicious - Destiny's Child
Just Dance - Lady Gaga
Lose Yourself - Eminem
If - Janet Jackson
Crazy In Love - Beyonce
Buttons - PCD
Damaged - Danity Kane
Mama Said Knock You Out - LL Cool J
Get Right - Jennifer Lopez
I'm a Slave 4 U - Brittney Spears

I'm now ready to do whatever I can to get back into shape. I'm excited for the different classes, I'm excited for an hour alone every few days, and I'm excited to pull out those old jeans in a couple of months to see if I can get them back on.

So, tell me...what's on your workout playlist?

Weightloss ADD

2009-01-24T07:57:00.002-06:00

I'm coining a new phrase and a new disorder. I'm calling it "Weightloss ADD" because I truly believe I'm suffering from it. I can't pay attention to staying on track to SAVE. MY. LIFE.

I'm not eating crap foods, but I can't devote the time necessary to staying on program. I forget to track my points, which in turn is causing me to eat more than I normally would because I am friggin hungry. I grab myself something quick to eat in between playing train with The Big Little One, feeding The Little Little One, and climbing out from under the massive mountain of laundry I need to get done.

I'm almost ready to resign myself to keeping these last few pounds on until I'm done breastfeeding.

The good news is that I started to take some time for myself during the day. When #2 goes down for her first nap, #1 watches Noggin in my room so I can do my Shred workout. I feel really good about it, even though I plop my kid in front of the TV. Doing something for myself has given me a bit of a lift.

All I have is excuses these days, huh?

Where should I draw my motivation from? What do I do to really take myself seriously? Do I give up trying so hard and see what happens, or do I kick myself in the arse to get going? I keep starting up and stopping and it's driving me nuts. I'm no motivator, that's for sure.

Long Weekend

2009-01-20T08:01:00.003-06:00

I love when my husband has long weekends, but I get so screwed up with my days and schedule that I forget that the week actually started. I did weigh in yesterday at 164.2 a measly loss of .6 pounds. I guess I shouldn't say measly considering I didn't track my points for a couple days, and a loss is a loss and all that crap, but man, it's one of my smallest ones as yet.

I am super jealous of my husband these days. He's getting up at the butt crack of dawn (4:30) and driving downtown to swim with a college team so he can get back in shape. He swam through high school and got a full ride scholarship to college (before he decided that drinking was more important than actually going to class, but I digress), and he's also the coach of the kids team on base here. He is a great swimmer and he loves it.

The little green monster in me is poking her head out and saying "Holy crap, woman. You can't even get in a 25 minute DVD everyday, and he's gonna be in shape in no time. No fair!" I even told him how jealous I was the other day, and he tried so hard to help me come up with ways to get time to myself so I can workout, but there just aren't enough hours in the day.

My solution - hopefully - is pretty simple now that the baby is back on a "schedule". Since she is waking to eat around 4:30, I can feed her, put her back down and start my day with a workout then. I will have a quiet house and no interruptions. I can do my workout, get showered and dressed before the kids even wake up.

And then I will fall into bed and pass out by 9ish every night.

Seems doable, right? I'm a big talker, I just have to put things into action. I have to make time for myself at some point during the day. I'm all about doing things for everyone else - and I just have to make getting back into shape a priority!

What A Week...

2009-01-16T07:52:00.002-06:00

Nothing can ever be easy, can it?

This week has been overloaded with 2 year old tantrums, a 5 month old who moved into her own room and was refusing to sleep, a husband getting up at 4:30am to go swim after not hearing the aforementioned 5 month old cry all night, and an overwhelmed, exhausted and cranky mother who just felt like running away.

Thankfully, the 5 month old only woke up twice last night and managed to put herself back to sleep within seconds, so the overwhelmed, exhausted and cranky mother was able to get a decent night's sleep for the first time in a week.

There were times these last few days that I didn't sit down and count my points, so I am not sure how many of my extra points I actually have left, but I didn't fall off the deep end and go totally off track. The other day we went to Chuck E. Cheese's for a playdate, and I managed to stay in control and not scarf down all of the large pizza since the kids were too busy paying to eat and Rochelle can actually step away from the food when she wants to.

My newest addiction, in addition to my morning coffee, is frozen fruit and yogurt. Well, the fruit is only frozen when it's pulled out cause I thaw it in the microwave - but the frozen fruit is much cheaper this time of year than the fresh stuff, and it tastes just as good. I actually look forward to it to help me start my day.

Hopefully my weigh in on Monday won't be horrible after a couple days of no tracking, but we'll have to see. My husband told me last night what a beautiful difference I've made in myself with all this hard work. That, alone, was proof to me that all of this is worth it.

Official Weigh-In Day

2009-01-12T20:39:00.003-06:00

Officially, I started back on WW last Monday, and my starting weight was 166.2.

Today, I'm happy to report that I'm 164.8! A loss of 1.4 pounds.

Slowly, but surely...:sigh:

I'm taking a bit of a break again tonight from blogging. We've been hit head on by The Terrible Twos and I'm reading and trying to get a handle on things before they get out of control. I'm doing everything in my power to be the best Mommy I can be, but some days are so rough!

A Night Out Saved by Fish

2009-01-08T19:43:00.002-06:00

The Husband passed a very important test yesterday that brings us one step closer to a higher rank - and mo' money. It was his second try after having missed passing the first time by only one point. When he called to tell me the good news, he said he wanted to go out and celebrate. Not wanting to diminish his hard work, I agreed.

We live in an area with nothing but chain restaurants. There are very few of the "mom and pop" type places that we love. However, in this instance, I was happy for the choices we had because I could prepare myself ahead of time which is crucial for staying on program.

When The Husband suggested Red Lobster I was stoked for two reasons:

1) Fish is healthy
2) I had a $4 off coupon.

Score.

Their new Woodfire Grill menu offered a ton of choices, but I went with one that seemed the healthiest - Woodfire Shrimp, Scallops & Chicken. It was absolutely delicious, to say the least, and it was only 580 calories with 10 grams of fat, I came to find out. I was stuffed to the gills and had leftovers to boot.

I hate to ever leave the house when I'm completely staying on program, because temptations are too great. I could have easily eaten my weight in fried ooey goodness, or chowed down on a greasy hamburger and thrown the program out the window -- but I didn't. I planned ahead and kept it healthy.

And because of that - I'm gonna stay ahead of the game.

Wednesday Weigh-In

2009-01-07T12:54:00.003-06:00

First, let me tell you that since I started over on WW this week, my official weigh in day is now Mondays. However, I had to jump on the scale this morning - out of habit or out of necessity, I'm not sure - just to see if 2 days on the plan had made any difference at all.

Man, oh man.

I was 164.8!!!!! I've lost 3 pounds since 12/17!

I cannot even believe it. Who in the heck loses weight over the holidays? Me, I guess! I ate like crud and drank, too, so I'm not sure how this is possible!

Whatever, dude. I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth! (Insert jumpy happy face here)

I have found that my daily hunger paings are all but gone on this program. Honestly. I get a little hungry in the late afternoon, but I pop a couple of pieces of cheese in my tummy, and I'm good to go. I am consciously choosing to avoid the "easy" snacking on convenience foods, and eating more proteins, veggies and cheeses.

I will be posting my weigh-ins on Mondays from here on out, and I'm gonna try to only weigh myself then. It's an addiction, but I'm trying to break it!!

On a roll...

2009-01-06T21:06:00.002-06:00

I'm really in a groove now, I gotta tell ya. I'm loving the new WW program, especially because I'm straight up addicted to Provolone cheese at the moment. It's a "filling food" and I don't even feel guilty that I used 4 of my points today just to eat two slices.

I made an un-WW baked ziti for dinner tonight for the first time. It was so good that I couldn't stop eating it. I managed to eat 15 points just in pasta alone. (I'm avoiding the fridge since there are leftovers in there and I just want to eat the whole pan...)

I'm sitting here watching Winona Judd on TV talking about how Alli has made her make better food choices. I practically chucked my slipper at her when she said "I've been doing this long enough to know what doesn't work, and Alli helps me to look at food in a healthy way."

Sha right, Winona. A pill helps you see food differently. Oh-kay.

I tried some crap pills right before my wedding day, and it was no fun. I tried the shake diets. I tried the crash diets. I tried not even eating at all. NONE of it worked until I found Weight Watchers.

It's not about needing SOMETHING to help you, it's about helping yourself. Like now - I can literally hear that pan of ziti calling my name, but I am ignoring it. A pill didn't make me choose not to eat it, *I* did.

Gah. Weightloss gimmicks make me ill.

Inspiration/Motivation

2009-01-05T08:20:00.002-06:00

I'm putting this picture up on my fridge so that it motivates me. I was my skinniest here in August 2005 and I'm getting back there if it kills me! (Well, itll be a different size after 2 kids in 2.5 years!)

I did it!

2009-01-04T20:26:00.002-06:00

I finally decided that I cannot do this on my own. I cannot just hope that I was strong enough to stop eating when I was full. I cannot just hope that I had done well enough to get by. I need accountability. I need to take this seriously if I want to get this weight off.

So, I did it! I bit the bullet and bought a membership to Weight Watchers Online! I read up on the Momentum Plan and I'm diggin' it. It's going to be hard to break my 7.5 years of habits, but I'm much happier with the plan than the old ones. The difference is that they're pushing you to eat healthier foods, and not just foods that have not much nutritional value. So, a 2 point egg is better for you than a 2 point cookie because it keeps you feeling full longer.

I'm also starting a 30 Day Shred Challenge, courtesy of my favorite Coastie spouse website. It will be tough, but I've signed on to do the workout every day for 30 days and compete for most inches lost and most days done. I'm not the LEAST bit competitive - ha. Eat my dust, suckers. (Kidding)

Rochelle is back from a 3 week vacation so I have my workout/weightloss buddy back. I just pray that the babies (all 4 between the two of us) will let us have the 25 minutes needed per day to get this done!

Making Paula Proud

2009-01-02T20:09:00.002-06:00

Call me a liar. Call me a hypocrite. Call me whatever you want, but I've run out of excuses for myself. I'm down in the dumps and feeling sorry for myself, and my food choices have reflected it immensely. I can't dig myself out of this hole.

I made Paula Deen very proud these last few days. I literally used 3 sticks of butter while cooking two different meals. I could feel it going straight to my hips, too, but I enjoyed every.single.morsel.

What do I do to get out of this weighloss slump? How do I get back on the right track?

I need accountablility. I need to pull myself up by the proverbial boot straps and give a damn. I need my husband to stop requesting meals in the "high caloric and hardly ever eaten" colum.

And I need the damn holidays to be over.

There, I said it. Now tell me to get up off my rear and do something about it!

Bye Week

2008-12-30T21:42:00.002-06:00

As they do in the National Football League, I'm giving myself a Bye Week from weighing in after the disastrious downward spiral that began on Christmas Eve and continued all week long. I knew I was in for it when The Husband talked me into an Egg Nog milkshake the other night.

Oy Vey.

So, I'm doing my best to stay on track tomorrow so that I don't end the year on a bad note, but I'm regrouping and will be back in the game come Thursday morning.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Infomercial Junkie

2008-12-27T21:19:00.002-06:00

To know me is to know that I am a sucker for workout informercials. I have either bought or have had to talk myself out of buying almost every single thing on the market. I am ALWAYS looking for a new workout to try.

The obsession started way back in college with when I gained the Freshman 15 and about 10 of her friends. Tae Bo was purchased for me by an ex-boyfriend, and I honestly had only mentioned that I was curious about it. (Hmmm...wonder why THAT relationship didn't work.)

From there I've gone on to buy:

The Firm (just sold it at my garage sale)
Winsor Pilates (can't find all the tapes)
Tae Bo 2004 (never opened 3 of the 4 DVDs)
Yoga Booty Ballet (yeah, it was returned after the 1st workout)
Slim in 6 (still have it, but don't have the hour long time to devote to it)
The 30 Day Shred

I died over The Fluidity system (ballet bar), I've wanted the Bender Ball, I talked myself out of buying Core Secrets. If there is someone on TV showing me reults, I'm totally drawn in with credit card in hand, just waiting for that 800 number to show up.

So, suffice it to say, I am a junkie when it comes to home workout tapes.

The Husband knows full well of my obsession, too. He also knows of my dire need to get back to my old self. He SWEARS that I'm just as gorgeous now as I was as a size 4, but he knows I will never be happy with myself until I get back to my old weight.

This MUST be why he called my attention to Crunchless Abs this afternoon. I wasn't even paying attention and he HAD to tell me to watch it. It took a nanosecond to draw me in.

Well, of course I'm gonna want it, silly. You don't even have to do any crunches to get flat abs! A secret squirrel system for whittling your abs away? Count me in! Oh, and you're gonna knock off one of the payments? SOLD!

So, after the New Year's paycheck, I'm going to buy yet another home workout DVD. Money wasted? Nah. It's just another $10 tape to add to my collection. I'm justifying it by saying that it's a heck of a lot cheaper than joining a gym.

Gah, I wish being skinny came a lot easier than this.

Tonight I'm just rambling...

2008-12-26T21:01:00.003-06:00

I got on the scale this morning to check the damage from Sugarfest 2008, and found myself to be 166.8. Sometimes I swear that my scale is lying to me, and thankfully it was in my favor. :)

The New Year is approaching fast, and while I make it a point to not make resolutions so as not to set myself up for failure, I feel like I need to try to do something a little different to get my motivation going.

Yeah, I know I've lost almost 10 pounds since starting this blog in October, but I still can't stand the sight of myself in pictures, so I'm thinking of doing things a little differently for a bit.

I read about The Abs Diet the other day and I have to say I'm a little intrigued. I don't know the extent of it, but I'm dying to read the book. Maybe a new way of eating will get me back to the person I used to be.

I either need to do this or get myself going on WW online because I'm just not keeping myself on track like I used to. Maybe it's just the fact that life is getting in the way. I just feel so incredibly uncomfortable in my skin.

And now I feel the need to resolve to stop being so vain. Or to figure out a way to do an in home tummy tuck.

I'm not sure which would be easier at this point.

Sugar Hangover

2008-12-25T20:40:00.002-06:00

If there is such a thing as a sugar hangover, I am surely going to have one tomorrow. I've managed to down everything from cookie dough, to dark chocolate squares, to Sour Patch Kids to a delicious glass of Chardonnay. I am definitely going to pay for the over-indulgence, but I don't care. Food is definitely my comfort right now.

We had a spectacular Christmas, complete with an excited 2 year old opening as many gifts as possible, and a 4 month old cutting her 2nd tooth this week. It was pure joy to see my kid as excited as I could have ever imagined. He even dutifully told me last night NOT to forget the carrots for the reindeer. Be still my beating heart.

We are far away from family at Christmas, so as much as I'm excited, I'm also sad. On top of that, I especially miss my Daddy this time of year. I even found myself crying while we were eating our traditional Christmas morning breakfast -- the one he used to make for us growing up. It's amazing that seven years later I miss him just as much as I did the first year he was gone.

Anyhoo - as of yesterday, I was 167.2 - a loss of .6, but I know that I blew that out the window with the 10,000 calories I ate between yesterday and today. Sometimes it's worth it.

Merry Christmas!

Who's That Girl??

2008-12-21T10:16:00.002-06:00

Thanks to a generous gift from my husband's grandpa, and a kind husband who let me have part of his "share", I am a whole new woman today. I walk past the mirror and caught a glimpse of myself and wondered where I had been hiding all these months!

Yesterday, I went and got a fabulous new haircut, got my eyebrows arched, and then went and got a new outfit for our Christmas parties! New jeans that fit and a trendy burnt orange top that I can wear out and to church. I tried the jeans on in the store and almost fell over at how good they looked. Not big and baggy, ugly wash jeans, but slenderizing jeans that made me feel like a million bucks. When I came out of the dressing room to show The Husband, his eyes popped out as he told me how good I looked. That was enough to make my heart flutter and I was SOLD.

It's amazing what some scissors and hot wax can do to a woman to make her feel better about herself. Aaahhh...

We have been busy bees the last few days. Things tend to get like this when my husband has time off of work. We went out for the afternoon on Friday, then came home to eat, and then we ventured out to look at Christmas lights. The Big Little One thinks that it's the greatest thing in the world to do.

Yesterday we had his work Christmas party, and then we dropped The Big Little One off at church and went out to dinner with our bible study group. We brought The Little Little One with us because I'm not okay with leaving her just yet -- maybe next month. It was nice to hang out with adults and have some "alone" time with my gorgeous husband. I didn't even have to tend to The Little Little One cause she was passed around. It was such a relaxing day.

Christmas is upon us very quickly and I still haven't started my wrapping. I'm going to lock myself in the bedroom tomorrow afternoon and get it done since The Husband will be home. I swear it this time, I'm gonna get it done!

Christmas Whine

2008-12-18T07:49:00.002-06:00

Please excuse my attitdue because I need to whine for a bit.

I know that there are people in this country that are rightthisveryminute wishing for sun and warm temperatures as they dig their cars out from underneath snow and ice, while the frozen air slaps them in the face. I know that those people would cringe if they saw that I wrote this, but I don't care.

I can't believe it's a week till Christmas and I have my friggin air conditioning on. 75 degrees in December? REALLY? Humidity that makes #1's hair fluff out. Are you kidding me??

I miss the snow. I know it's crazy but I do. I don't miss it enough that I actually want to shovel it, but dang it, I miss the sight of it. I miss the chill in the air, having to curl up under blankets to keep warm, drinking hot chocolate just to get the chill out of your bones.

There is no chill in the air. In fact, I'm sitting here typing this in a tank top as the a/c kicks on. I guess that counts as chill, huh?

It's so hard to get into the Christmas spirit when it's warm like this. I'm from the Midwest, a frozen tundra from November till April. When we visited last month there was snow on the groud. My Mom took #1 outside and taught him how to make a snowball and he loved it. He asked me the other day if we could make a snowman. Um, yeah, out of cotton balls, if you want, sweetie.

I'm sure I'll get over this when the temperatures cool off a bit, but dangit, I need winter. Get me out of this place. I'm dying here.

Wednesday Weigh-In

2008-12-17T07:04:00.002-06:00

Officially weighing in today at 167.8 - a loss of 1.2 pounds.

I thought it might be more, but I was finally hungry yesterday and ate my whole 36 hours worth of missed food, and thensome. It wasn't the greatest idea, but dude, I was friggin hungry.

I can't seem to get back on the WW wagon for anything these days. That's not to say that I have been eating crap, but I don't have enough time during the day to actually record what I've eaten. Thankfully, being a Lifetimer has taught me a lot about how to eat, which helps tremendously, but I can't get around to writing it down when I put it in my mouth. I'm thinking about trying Core for a while if I can't get a good loss going here soon. I've read a little about the newest program, Momentum, but need to maybe attend a meeting to hear what it's all about.

We are currently having sleep troubles in this house, something I never thought we would have. The baby is doing just fine and has learned to put herself to sleep, thank God. It's the dang toddler that's throwing me for a loop. I believe it's time we stop naps because if he does get a nap, he's not going to sleep until 9:00, and if he doesn't, he passes out without a sound right at his normal bedtime.

I thought kids were supposed to nap until they were around 4, but I forgot that we're dealing with a kid that makes his own rules like getting teeth at 4 months, walking at 9.5, and talking in sentences at 18 months. Apparently, I can't go by the book with this one.

Speaking of sleep, both of the kids are still sleeping (after a bit of a "hiccup" from The Big Little One at 5:45), so I need to get on the ball and get some housework done while I have a few quiet moments. Sometimes I wonder what I ever used to do in my "old life". :)

Ugh.

2008-12-16T07:38:00.002-06:00

That doesn't even begin to describe how the last 24 hours has gone.

I woke up again yesterday morning with horrible stomach cramping, unable to eat, and just wanting to sleep the day away. I had no fever or chills, and since this was not the first time I've felt like this in the last two weeks, I called the doctor.

She is afraid I am getting another stomach ulcer and wanted to put me on Prilosec for a few weeks to see if that helped. I asked her about whether or not nursing moms could take it, and she said "No." She wanted me to stop nursing in order to take it, but I'll refuse. I'll be talking to our pediatrician tomorrow about what to do because I'm simply NOT giving up after having worked so hard to establish a good breastfeeding relationship with #2. I failed with #1 and I'm NOT letting anything stop me with #2!

After I came home from the doc, I saw that The Husband wasn't feeling great either. Then, a few hours later The Little Little One projectile vomited all over herself and her playmat. (Thankfully, The Husband was in the room with her or I would have been in tears). So, MAYBE this is more of a stomach bug that won't go away than an ulcer. I'm feeling much better today, so we'll just have to see, I guess.

I weighed myself this morning wondering what an entire 36 hours of no food would do to me, and I was down to 167.2. I know that trying to eat a bit today will put some of that back on by my official weigh in tomorrow, but it was nice for the moment.

Christmas is officially a little over a week away and I'm almost done with my shopping. In fact, I may put the kids down tonight and go out to finish up. I'm definitely not looking forward to wrapping gifts, but it'll be worth it to see The Big Little One's face on Christmas morning.

Doing A Happy Dance

2008-12-14T07:25:00.002-06:00

Friday night I was able to get out of the house for a couple of hours and be someone other than "Mom". It was truly great to be at a restaurant and not have to tell someone to turn around and sit down in their chair, or help them take a bite of their dinner, or use bribery to get them to cooperate. It was also great to not have to shake a rattle in one hand while trying to eat with the other while doing all of the aforementioned things.

Before I left, I was trying to find something to wear. Now, you must know that my wardrobe consists of very, very little right now. I mostly wear comfy pants during the day because I can't stand to be in jeans while I'm cleaning or chasing around two kids. The only pair of jeans that I wear are a size 10 Long and Lean from The Gap. :sigh: It's depressing because before #1 I was wearing the same jeans in a size 4, which I still have up in the closet for "someday", but I digress. I noticed the other day those my jeans, even after washing and drying, were getting to be too big. WOO HOO! Score!

So, I decided to pull down the pair of American Eagle jeans I was wearing when I got pregnant with #2. I attempted to put them on about 2 months ago and I couldn't even get them up over my hips. Ugh.

I opened the jeans up from their folded (and somewhat dusty) state, looked at them in disbelief, and stepped both feet in. I started to pull them up and noticed very little resistance when it came to my hip area. I started to get excited at this point because a few weeks ago they almost burst at their seams at this point. As I pulled them up over my larger-than-before rear end, I started to wonder if this could really be happening! Were these the same jeans I couldn't get into before?? I looked down just to be sure - and they were!

Then, came the final test. They were up over my hips and rear, but could I get them buttoned and zipped? I said a little prayer and told myself not to be too disappointed when I couldn't. I reasoned that this was good enough for now, that it was an accomplishment to have done this much! So, I grabbed both ends, pulled them together and..........

GOT THEM BUTTONED!!!!!!!!

I zipped the zipper up, and stared at myself in the mirror just to be sure I wasn't dreaming. There I stood, in my size 8 AE jeans, over my hips, covering my rear, buttoned and zipped with full blown muffin top, but they were on! WOO HOO! I almost cried.

I didn't end up wearing the jeans out because of the amount of muffin I had, but it felt incredibly good to just have gotten these suckers on. I'm thisclose to reaching my goal (well, not thisclose, but closer than I was) and it was just reassurance that my hard work was paying off.

I pretty much blew the whole thing on chips, salsa, quesadillas and nachos (oh, and the margarita), but I didn't care. :) I'm getting rid of this weight and it feels so good!

Processed Foods

2008-12-11T07:32:00.002-06:00

I have a handy little dry erase board hanging up in my kitchen where I keep my list of 'Things To Do', appointment times and, of course, my shopping list. Once a week I try to scan over the fridge and pantry to see what I'll need to pick up next at the grocery store.

I pride myself on trying very hard to feed my family healthy meals and snacks, but as I was staring at the pantry last night I realized one glaring problem:

We eat entirely too many processed foods.

In my defense, these are not your average processed foods. I don't buy things like Twinkies or cookies, or regular potato chips. Instead, I buy the Light or Fat Free versions of these foods to satisfy our urge to have them while keeping their effect on our weight to a minimum.

Let's be honest. It isn't cheap to eat healthily. Everything you want to eat that is fresh and good for you costs an arm and a leg -- even if you aren't trying to buy organic. Being that we are a military family with only one income and 3 (almost 4) mouths to feed, I have to cut corners where I can. We buy lean meats and I cook healthy and well balanced dinners, but snacks consist of things like pretzels and graham crackers for The Big Little One, and 100 Calorie Packs and granola bars for us adults.

My husband isn't your average guy, either. At 6'3" and 225 pounds, he eats like a teenage boy. Keeping food in the house is quite the task when he takes 2 sandwhiches, a pudding, a yogurt, a fruit and a bag of chips as his lunch. However, very recently he's begun not taking seconds at dinner and trying to keep a better watch over how much he's eating in one day. THANK GOD.

I recently found a great farm stand that has a great deals on fruits and veggies, and thankfully they are fresh and delicious. Unlike the crap produce I usually buy at Walmart. It's kind of a hike to get over there, but with gas prices having plummeted recently, I can start justifying weekly trips without worrying about how much gas its costing me to get there.

I'm going to start making a conscious effort to buy more produce and less processed foods. (It will be easier now that I've got The Little Little One in her new cloth diapers and I'm saving monthly on diaper costs! Woot!) I'm going to find healthy recipes for things that will satisfy our sweet tooth while avoiding filling our stomach with mystery ingredients. My kids health and nutrition takes center stage always, but I'm going to do better about being sure what it is I'm giving them.

Here's to even more new beginnings!

Overzealous Part 2: Goals Revised

2008-12-10T09:44:00.002-06:00

Back in October I listed my goals for this weight loss adventure. At the time, I thought they were pretty realistic and easily achieveable if I put my mind to it. Apparently, I am a little overzealous in my estimations because it's looks like those goals are a little out of my reach.

I guess it's better to be optimistic than to be pessimistic, right? Believing in yourself is half the battle.

I have done pretty well so far. I haven't totally given up, but some days it's hard. I have never had such a hard time losing weight and I blame that on the fact that I'm breastfeeding. My body is holding on to this weight with a vice grip and I can't shake it. I'm exercising almost every day, I'm watching what I eat, and the results just aren't coming like I had hoped.

Oh well. I'd rather give nourishment to my child than be skinny any day. Although, I'm secretly hoping that when we wean around 12 months I can get rid of this stinky old weight lickety split.

So...my Goals (Revised) are:

Lose 4 pounds by Janurary 15 to be 165
Lose 10 pounds by March 1 to be 159
Lose 16 pounds by April 15 to be 153 (#2 prepregnancy weight)
Lose 19 pounds by June 1 to be 150 (#1 prepregnancy weight)

That gives me 6 more months to do this, and if I fall short, it won't be horrible; however, if I can achieve it beforehand, I will know that I've put my mind to it and got it done.

Oh - and today is Weigh-In day and I'm 169 even. A loss of .4. Something is better than nothing, right?

Overzealous

2008-12-09T14:04:00.002-06:00

Still somewhat recovering from the stomach bug, and I agree with Rochelle to try out Level 2 of The Shred. What in the world was I thinking? Clearly, I wasn't, because it became painfully obvious after the first circuit that I'm sooooooo not ready for that.

Guess it's back to Level 1 for a few more days. Jillian Michaels is NO JOKE.

I found out that I didn't win the Weigh Platform from Roni's Weigh. It's cool, though. I've been trying my hand at entering every online blog giveaway that I can find. Cloth diapers, car seats, weigh platforms...you name it. The Husband swears, though, that I used up all of my good luck when I won our car back in 2004, so he doesn't know why I bother. I will prove him wrong! (Yes, seriously. I won a car).

A few of us Coastie wives are going out for a drink on Friday night and I'm pretty excited about it. Girl time, drinks, chips and salsa -- what could be better? I even made a bet with Rochelle that I wouldn't talk about my kids all night. She doesn't think I can do it, so she said the first person to mention their kids must buy the other a drink.

You're on!

I have to figure out, though, what I should talk about since my whole life revolves around my children. Sun up to sun down and beyond. Middle of the night cries, 5am feedings, constant snot blowing, and a million dirty diapers a day leaves me with little extra time to indulge in anything personal. So, I only have a few days to figure out what to talk about.

Anyone have any topics?? :)

Yuckies...

2008-12-08T12:15:00.003-06:00

Why is it that every time I seem to get ahead of the weight loss game, something sets me back? I'm not sure what I did to Karma, but she's got it in for me for some reason.

I seem to have come down with some sort of stomach bug. I cannot eat anything beyond the BRAT diet and ginger ale without getting sick. Blech. I tried a Fiber One poptart this morning and it didn't work out very well.

Alas, I will have to begin AGAIN when this passes. I'm praying super hard that my little ones don't catch it. The Little Little One is napping for longer than usual today, so I'm afraid she is well on her way. I booked an appointment with their doctor for Wednesday because both still have a cold they can't shake.

I tend to be a crazy mom when it comes to sickness with my kids. I was a mess with #1 and he was always at the doc, but I'm a little more calm with #2. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac myself, and sometimes swear that the headache I have is indicative of something more severe. I'm a loser like that. However, my Mom is living proof that if you don't take some things seriously when they happen, it just might be something more severe. Her bladder infection gone awry turned out to be kidney cancer...so imagine how I must think that everything is something horrible!

Say a prayer that this thing doesn't get passed around my family and that Purell keeps its promise to kill 99.99% of germs. I'm lathering myself in it constantly.

Progress...

2008-12-05T07:06:00.004-06:00

I am so thankful for friends who are as excited about losing weight and exercise as I am. Because of that, I've been able to do my Shred workout everyday since Tuesday! WOO HOO! Rochelle and I curse the TV during the whole workout - but we're doing it, and I'm already seeing a difference.

In fact, as I was leaving her house yesterday, Rochelle told me that my butt looked smaller to her. (Friends can check each other out and it's okay...no worries.) Of course, I can't take a compliment, so I came home to see if she was right.

Back in October, I signed up on Self for one of their workout plans (never did it). I had to enter my measurements and weight to start. I didn't take any other measurements when I started back on WW a few weeks later, so this is what I have to go by:

Weight: 180

Waist: 38 inches

Hips: 46 inches

Oy vey.

My current measurements, as of yesterday, give me a lot of hope that at least I'm making some changes!

Weight: 169

Waist: 34 inches

Hips:42 inches

WOO HOO! Progress, baby. Progress!

I'm not totally there yet, but at least there has been a significant change in my body and for that I'm ecstatic. Hard work DOES pay off in the end.

I know my body will never go back to what it was BC (Before Children), but I'm okay with that. I actually like a little curve in my hips and a rounder derriere. I could do without the massive amount of stretchmarks on my belly, but hey, beggars can't be choosers. I'm not all about showing off my midsection at (almost) 30 anyway.

So, I'll keep this up and do what I do. I plan on rewarding myself with a kick-butt outfit for my husband to take me out in, so I shop every few days for something to keep my motivation up. I'll share my finds another day, but for now, I must get ready to go Shred with my skinny friend.

Here's to PROGRESS!

What in the World? (AKA Wednesday Weigh In)

2008-12-03T06:51:00.007-06:00

I stepped on the scale just now, at my regular time, and it said 169.4.

No, I am not kidding.

An official loss of .2 after the scale told me I had gained two pounds a few days ago. Holy crap.

I don't know how it happened. I was SO discouraged the other day when I weighed myself to see the Thanksgiving damage and now I'm totally stoked. Working out and drinking my water REALLY DOES help! Woo hoo!

Yesterday, Amber and I were discussing the question posted over at Roni's Weigh, which was whether or not you weigh yourself every day. The honest to God answer is - yes, I do. I'm a person obessessed, actually. I can't start my day without knowing what my weight is at. Even at my skinniest (146) I did it every day, almost like a confirmation that I really was seeing the right number.

Now, I feel as though weighing myself all the time keeps me accountable for what I ate. I'm not sure if the science is exact, but I can tell you that if I gained from the day before I will work harder that day to make sure I don't keep going up. Ridiculous as it may seem, I am more focused on the number than anything else. I wish it weren't so, but it's true. The number is more validating to me than whether or not I can comfortably wear my jeans, although the latter is a reward for former.

I was able to get in my Shred workout yesterday cause I brought it over to Rochelle's house to show it to her. Rochelle is my very dear friend who had her daughter 13 days after I had mine, and she stayed skinny her whole pregnancy. She is also the person who makes delicious baked goods and always brings them down to my house to share.

She. Must. Stop.

She fed me the most delicious side dish last week that I thought I would pass on to you. It's a super easy way to get in your oil and veggies.

Take a TBSP of olive oil, 2 TSP of garlic and sautee. Add in some Mann's Broccoli Cole Slaw and cook for a few minutes. Add a dash of salt and pepper for taste!

It's deeeeeelicious (as #1 would say).

I'm not sure what's on the menu for this evening. I may seek out a stew recipe cause the weather has been a bit chilly and The Husband has been asking for it.

Off to see if I can find a healthy version!

Roni's Contest Entry

2008-12-02T12:38:00.001-06:00

Thanks to Amber :

I entered the Mary Lou's Weigh Platform Giveaway!
Check out Roni’s Weight Loss Blog for more information.

This seems totally amazing, and if I don't win one, I might just have to purchase it myself! What a great idea....